Thoughts Before Reconstructive Surgery

I'm going in for my second surgery tomorrow to remove the tissue expanders (TE's) from my chest and have the implants put in. It'll be odd to have breasts again. All the changes my body has undergone over the last almost four months have been unbelievable. I've gone from having breasts that have fed babies, to no breasts at all and feeling rather manly, to slowly growing mounds that sit high on my chest and are hard as rocks, to tomorrow going back to having breasts again. It's a lot of changes to digest.

The first surgery left flaps of skin on my sides that I've begun lovingly referring to as "Thing 1" and "Thing 2". When they told me the flaps would be gone after tomorrow's surgery I was almost nostalgic. I said, "But I was about to name them!" LOL We all had a good laugh. I was seriously considering Thelma and Louise.

I spoke with my roommate earlier today and she gave me a head's up about what to expect. We had our mastectomies on the same day and recovered together. Last week she had her reconstruction surgery. It was nice to have her share her experience. There were even questions she spawned in me. I thought I knew everything to look forward to until then.

Like the night before every major planned event in my life, I've had a hard time settling my mind. I'm nervous and excited. There's even a part of me that is sad to let it come to an end. This experience has helped to further shape me into the person I am. It's been such a huge part of my life that it's come up a lot in conversation. Now that it's going to be finished, I won't have as much of a reason to talk about it, yet it's still molding me.

When I was widowed I found it hard to talk with anyone without telling them about Jason's death. How could I leave out a reference to something that had and was changing me so drastically? I thought they needed to know in order to "get me". Will this be a similar feeling? It's not exactly the same, but it's certainly made me a different person. This too, like every other experience I've had, will become part of the fabric of my life. Once the scars heal and no one can tell from the outside that anything is different about me it'll become another way to relate to others in similar circumstances.

I've written all my brain can process at this hour. My body is sufficiently exhausted and it's time to call it done. This time tomorrow, I'll be thanking God living life to the fullest. :)