Call It Like You See It

In reflecting today about life struggles, it occurred to me how often we delude ourselves into thinking that things are not as they appear, even when they truly are. Often we mask our internal conflicts, keeping them hidden not only from others, but from ourselves as well. This defense mechanism can be beneficial at times, though over time it can also be quite destructive. This has been the case with my food addiction over the years. I dare say, millions of people around the world can relate to this exact situation - if they can open themselves up to the risk of being completely transparent, if not with others, at least with themselves for starters.

Earlier today I was contemplating the "mask" when chatting with my oldest son. I admitted to him how common occurrence it has been for me to stop at Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donuts when out by myself. My deception served multiple purposes:

1. I spent less money because I didn't have to buy for the whole family.
2. I didn't have to feel self-conscious about eating junk food in front of my husband and risk him thinking (though he would never say it) that I was sabotaging my weight.
3. I didn't have to feel guilty about setting a bad example for my family, enabling unhealthy eating habits.
4. I didn't have to deal with the conflict of giving to my family to make me feel better about eating it myself.

I told my son about my struggle and how often I've sneaked food when no one was looking. Then I asked him if he had ever done the same, to which he responded affirmatively. Of course, I knew the answer to that question. I've seen the candy wrappers in his desk drawer, among other places. Imagine my relief when he was honest with me. What should it indicate to me that I have deceived around food, and that my son has too? It is an indicator that neither of us has had a healthy relationship with food.

Going back to the mask. . . for me to call it like I see it, particularly in regards to self, I have to be honest about HOW I see myself. It not only breeds self-respect, but fosters respect from others. Once we unmask our deceptions, it breaks the strangle-hold that leading our double life with food holds over us.

From now on, whether it's embarrassing or difficult to admit, I will call it like I see it within myself. Perhaps I'll just think of it as the "Taming of the Beast".

Dripping Joyous Sweat

Yesterday I ran. I wasn't the fastest one on the treadmills at the gym, but I might have been the happiest. Who knew that dripping sweat could be such a joyous occasion? Stepping off that treadmill I felt triumphant. I felt like I crossed a milestone and left an old part of me behind. The more I move forward and look at my life and old attitudes in the rear view mirror, the more I can see the old me disappearing out of sight. The choices I make today are healthier than they've ever been. Daily I'm overcoming myself and pushing on to a future that's bright!

Incentives (A.K.A. Motivation)

The long wait is finally over as I delivered my twins in July. The doctor cleared me to get back to my fitness routine and I have to admit, walking back into the fitness center wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped it would be. Being sleep-deprived with newborns and feeling sluggish from the extra weight I'm now carrying left me feeling "unmotivated." Then I decided to take away my choice for anything other than change.

Now-a-days we all have too many choices. Come on. How many salad dressings do we really need to choose from? So I decided that there was only one choice to make - to move in the only direction I could that would make me healthy. That included getting my workout clothes on and going to the gym. Once I thought of it in terms of "the decision is already made", all I had to do was comply. How easy is that - to comply? It should be easy. I'm only acting in accordance with my own wish, which is to lose this weight. That's all complying is.

I started thinking about motivation and questioned whether I had it or not. I may have even written on this subject before. Don't many of us say those words, "I'm just not motivated."? What does that mean? To have no motivation. We need to understand what motivation truly is before we can say unequivocally that we don't have it.

The root word for motivation is "motive". In the dictionary, motive is referred to as something that "causes a person to act in a certain way or do a certain thing", an "incentive." It also says a motive is "the goal or object of a person's actions."

SHAZAM! I do have it! In fact, according to this definition, we ALL have motivation. For some of us, our incentive is to reach a certain dress or pant size. For others, our incentive is to reach for another cookie. We cannot use the age old excuse that we "have no motivation." That's a crock. The choice is ours.

What will be the goal or object of our actions. Is our goal to stay comfortably on the couch watching our favorite show? Is our goal to eat that comfort food because it takes away our pain or our boredom? Is our goal to save ourselves from disappointment because the task of losing weight seems insurmountable? We're all motivated by something. What is your incentive - A.K.A. - motivation?

I don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that my incentives include: being healthy, feeling great, living longer, setting a good example for my kids and others, and building my confidence. These ARE my motivation and they only scratch the surface. Of course, looking good and getting an occasional cat call from my husband isn't a bad incentive either. Now it's just a matter of developing a plan to achieve these things.

To that end, I'm back to my tried and true formula. The one that helped me shed 61 pounds before I became pregnant with the twins. The great thing is that it's no secret, only healthy food and regular exercise. Who knew it could be that simple. Now all I have to do it simply comply! :) Are you ready and willing to do the same?

Don't Wish Me Luck!

A couple people have recently said these words to me, “Wish me luck.” It got me thinking about luck and what it means. The dictionary says luck is “advantage or success considered the result of chance.” Do we really want our weight loss to rely on chance?

For years my weight loss and health were left to chance. Chance is defined in part as the absence of any cause of events that can be predicted, understood, or controlled. In short, I was not controlling my weight loss efforts through a means that was clear and understandable and could predict my success. This set me up for failure. Without proper planning and execution, losing weight will be an elusive goal.

I’ve taken two trips across the country and each time took planning. I spent a significant amount of time preparing – finding the right map, searching for hotels, investigating points of interest, etc. I made phone calls for some reservations. I cleaned out my car and made sure I had jumper cables. I checked to make sure I had my insurance card in the glove box. I called family and friends to coordinate visit dates and times. The time spent preparing was invaluable, though not fully realized until I was in the midst of my travels.

In spite of planning, I inevitably hit some snags, especially during my first trip. Here are a few of my “snags”: getting lost, flat tire, sold-out hotels, car damaged by flying debris, lost a/c, caught in torrential rains, caught in a sandstorm, 3rd-degree burn on foot. In spite of my meticulous planning, I realized two things. First, I hadn’t thought of everything, like having a spare tire. Second, even my good planning couldn’t overcome some of the situations I encountered, like losing my a/c in the middle of summer in Texas. For those, I just had to rely on my patience and quick thinking to get me through. Yes, this was a memorable trip, to say the least, but what does it have to do with losing weight? Everything!

Assume the story above was about my weight loss journey. This is what it would look like. I spent a significant amount of time preparing for my weight loss – finding the right program (Spark People), searching for healthier food and recipes, and investigating fitness options to find the one I liked the most and would stick with. I bought a digital food scale and rid my house of high-calorie and fat-laden foods. I created a vision collage to increase my focus. I bought some exercise DVDs, one set of 2-pound weights and a stability ball. I enlisted the support of my mom and a close friend, Ashley. I developed short-range, medium-range, and long-term goals – something to really strive for.

My time spent preparing was invaluable, though I didn’t realize initially how much it would help me. In spite of my planning, I inevitably hit some snags. Here are a few of my “snags”: potlucks, dining out, people pushing fattening food on me, visiting houseguests, bad weather, meetings, injury, illness, fatigue. The list could go on. In spite of my planning, I realized two things. First, I hadn’t thought of everything, like how to cope with people who would try to sabotage my plan. Second, even my good planning couldn’t keep me from becoming fatigued, injured, or sick – although good health and planning can often keep those things at bay, not always. For those unplanned times, I had to rely on my good habits, tact, patience, and quick thinking. Yes, this has been a memorable and successful trip so far!

I understand what people mean with they say, “Wish me luck.” They are looking for support and encouragement. They are afraid of not succeeding and want to hear, “You can do it!” They want us to hope along with them for something better - a change – freedom from the weight that has held them back for years. I hope and long for each and every person to experience this freedom. Once I finally tasted it myself, I realized how much the weight was holding me back from experiencing life.

With all these things said, I have come to a conclusion. I will not wish you luck, leaving your future to chance. I wish you SUCCESS – the kind of predictable success that comes from setting goals, proper planning, and execution. You are worth it. You are able. You can do it!

On Top of the World - My Experience Climbing Mt. Fuji

My goal of climbing Mt. Fuji came about quite by accident. Actually, it's my son's fault. While creating my vision collage, he stumbled upon a photo of Mt. Fuji. I thought it would make a great center photo since it was large. As my collage took shape around the photo, it occurred to me that I could make climbing that mountain my goal. Voila! I had my first lofty, long-term goal. At least it seemed pretty long-term at the time.

Just after making my collage, I met a woman on eBay. She was selling some workout DVDs, which I purchased from her. In the process of communicating with her over the purchase, we found some common ground and began e-mailing one another on a regular basis. It is this woman, my newfound friend, who took a leap of faith six months later and flew halfway around the world to climb a mountain with me.

Three days after meeting in person for the first time, we headed out at 12:30 a.m. to catch our bus for Hakone National Park, where Fuji is located. We drove an hour, caught our bus, and rode another three hours to get to our starting point. With walking sticks in hand, we headed out on an adventure that would strengthen the bonds of friendship. Within minutes the rain came.

The path began easily enough. Our bus had dropped us off at station 5 and before long, we were greeted with a nice view, looking down on the clouds. We walked along on flat ground, talking about our strategy for pacing ourselves. Soon enough, the terrain began to change. During our 6-hour and 15-minute ascent, we zigged and zagged upward. We climbed stairs. We climbed steep boulders. We climbed in loose gravel. Occasionally, we stopped for electrolyte water or organic energy bars or to simply take a short rest. The rests got longer and more frequent the closer we got to the top, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

As we ascended, we passed a variety of people going both ways. One Japanese man even had a toddler on his back. I couldn't help but wonder if he had made it to the top. In retrospect, I don't think he did, but at the time I marveled at his accomplishment.

About 20 minutes into our climb, I asked my friend to pray with me. I gave the climb to God. I asked him to give us the strength to climb this literal mountain, as well as for protection. My friend and I spoke briefly about believing in angels. She felt she had received confirmation of a guardian angel just before we got on the bus. After our prayer, my step quickened. I felt a burst of energy propelling me forward. At that moment, I was more sure than ever that the mountain was already conquered, though my body slowed, my head certainly kept up the mental momentum!

We stopped at every mountain hut to have our walking sticks branded with a unique design. With each stamp, I grew more determined. Inevitably, we would stumble across people from our bus and we'd have a brief exchange. Several times we exchanged "ganbatte" with Japanese people. This word means "do your best" or "go for it."

There are ten stations on Fuji, with the tenth at the top. Around the 8th station, my hands began to get really cold and one of my fingers had turned yellow - a symptom of my Reynaud's Syndrome. I worked to get my circulation back, then put on my gloves and kept trucking. Around this time, we rounded the corner of one of the mountain huts and came face-to-face with a steep wall of rocks. My first reaction was, "YES! Let's do this thing!" In fact, this was a scenario that replayed itself numerous times. Each time, I had a similar "oh yeah!" reaction. It was my own way of cheering myself along. It worked for me.

Somewhere about halfway to station 9 I began to experience some altitude sickness. At first, I only felt slightly dizzy. Obviously, the dizziness only got worse the higher I moved. Within about 30 minutes, I also felt nauseous. We stopped, drank, and ate, then began again. We moved more slowly. Though my friend was not experiencing the same effects, she was an amazing support throughout this process. Together, we worked through it taking five steps while breathing deeply, then stopping for two deep breaths. Eventually, I did begin to feel better and our pace quickened somewhat.

For the last 1.5 hours or so, the wind and rain picked up. A storm was rolling in. At times, the wind was so harsh that we had to brace ourselves against our walking sticks and lean heavily into the wind to keep from being blown over. Just when I thought the climb was never-ending, we ascended the last flight of stairs, passing under a red, Shinto tori gate. We had arrived!

We stood in line to have our walking stick stamped with two special red stamps, then stepped out to find the crater. The wind was blowing so hard and fog was covering the crater. It had become dangerous and we were told not to go to the crater. We could not have seen it anyway. We planned to travel around the edge for however much time we had left, but ultimately could not for safety reasons. It was hard to come all that way and not see the crater and the view around Fuji.

After making a quick bathroom break, which was really a squatter, we bought some fresh, dry gloves, took some pictures at the pillar monument, and decided to head down.

Compared to the ascent, the descent was only 2 hours 45 minutes. It was also zig-zagged, though the terrain never changed. It was loose lava, pea-sized gravel. My toes pushed into the toe of my boots. Over time, my big toes became quite sore. In the end, I finished the descent with one cracked toenail and a blister between two toes. Not bad, I think.

During the hike down, I realized we were surrounded by some beautiful plants. They were so lime green that they almost appeared to glow. The rocks were lovely as well - a rainbow of colors, but mostly red and turquoise.

There was one truly inspiring story I saw unfolding on that mountain. On the descent, we passed a young Japanese girl moving very slowly while her family encouraged her. This girl had one foot that was inverted, like a club foot - yet she made it up that mountain! My friend and I wanted to cry. It made all our obstacles pale in comparison.

Once down the mountain, we stopped for something to eat and did a little souvenir shopping. I had an "American dog," a.k.a. corn dog. It was much different from a true American corn dog, but I was thankful for it. Finally, I stopped at the post office to mail a few postcards before heading back to the bus.

I slept awhile on the ride back to base and woke up just as they were playing a video - "Touching the Void." It's a documentary about the perilous and near-fatal climb of two friends. It was an appropriate topic and made me wonder if I could ever do the kind of climbing required to scale a 20,000-foot mountain. I'm not convinced that's an undertaking for me, but I won't rule it out. Like Confucius said, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This was my single step. I'm just not sure yet where the journey will lead. I'm excited to find out!

Climbing Molehills and Mountains

When I was little, I recall my mom saying on more than one occasion," don't make a mountain out of a molehill." She was teaching me to assess a situation honestly, not exaggerating the intensity of the problem.

I believe this attitude has helped me conquer many obstacles in life. Some of them have truly been "molehills," while others have been mountains. My molehills and mountains have consisted of things like moving around the world every three years, deployments, family illnesses, college, miscarriage, molestation at 12, and widowhood at 23.

On August 23, I climbed Mt. Fuji. It was the most physically difficult thing I've ever done in my life. At times I felt my body wouldn't make it. I was pushed to what I thought was the limit of my capabilities, and yet I conquered that 12,388-foot mountain! Though the altitude, wind, rain, and cold took a toll on me physically, mentally those obstacles had become molehills to me. I had given myself no other option than to see the top of that mountain!

If I had stopped years ago and applied this logic and tenacity to my obesity, I imagine I would have conquered that sooner as well. I was perfectly capable of literally climbing a mountain. The problem was that I had turned my weight into a figurative mountain so much larger-than-life, that my mind could not overcome it. Now, I realize that it was my mind preventing me from succeeding at my weight loss, not physical limitations. Turning molehills into mountains helped me defeat myself before I even got started!

So, today is a celebration - a celebration of overcoming great obstacles! I glow with joy for reaching the top of my literal mountain. Mostly though, I glow from the realization that somewhere deep inside me is the strength and fortitude to overcome obstacles both large and small. See, the important lesson my mom taught me is not to determine which is a mountain and which is a molehill, but that I can conquer them all.

The Architect or the Wrecking Ball?

I was thinking today about the who's, what's, when's, where's, why's and how's of life. Others think on these as well and they can either make or break your success, not only in your journey to greater health, but in life in general. It all comes back to the question of our internal dialogue, that is, what we say to ourselves. Are we our greatest fan - a veritable built-in pep squad, or are we our greatest disappointment - undermining our intentions with hateful talk we would never perpetrate on others?

Maybe you already know which you are - the architect or the wrecking ball. Then again, maybe you don't. If not, see which of these questions most resembles your attitude.

Look out! Here comes the wrecking ball!

Who even cares if I lose weight or not?
What difference is it going to make?
Where is my motivation going to come from? I don't have any!
When am I going to find the time to eat healthy and exercise?
Why do I bother? I'm never going to lose weight. I'm a yo-yo!
How am I going to get the weight off? I'm too far gone!

Now, here's the architect!

Who is going to be positively affected by my healthy lifestyle?
What changes do I need to make to be successful?
Where can I turn to for support when I need it?
When I stumble, are my coping strategies strong enough to help?
Why is it important for me to change my life?
How am I going to feel when I reach my goals?

So, which one are you - the architect or the wrecking ball? Today is the day to figure it out and take some positive steps to turn your attitude around!

Reasons or Excuses?

Excuses, excuses. Some people thrive on making them. In fact, often we spend more time honing our excuses than the time it would take to actually do something productive. Why do we waste this perfectly good time? How much of life have we missed out on as a result?

Many of our failures in life are related to fear. Fear fosters a failure to act, which means automatic failure. So, in order to get where we want to go and overcome this failure to act, we have to understand what is motivating our fear. Is it fear of failure? Fear of embarrassment? Fear of sub-par performance? Fear of injury? Fear of judgment? The list goes on. To move forward to greater health, adventure, and success, we must identify the fear that is fueling our inactivity. We all have likely personified one or more of the fears listed above at various points in our lives. But how do we know when we are being ruled by fear? It's my conclusion that fear often manifests itself as excuses.

Excuses are a powerful symptom of fear and differ from reasons. Reason is defined (in part) as sound judgment or good sense; to think through logically. By contrast, excuse is defined (in part) as a pretext or subterfuge. Subterfuge is evading a rule, escaping a consequence, or "dodging." So, here is the real question. Are we using excuses or "dodging" those things that would get us active and healthy or are our excuses truly legitimate reasons.

Today is the day to determine once and for if our fears are what stand in our way of reaching our goals. There's no better day than today to stop undermining our own success. It's time to sweep away the lingering excuses and push forward toward the prize! Like Mom said when I was a kid, "Can't never did!"

My Flock Begins at Home

Today's healthy reflection called us to think about leading a successful flock. Who is my flock? In a nutshell, my flock is anyone who looks to me for love, support, guidance, mentoring, friendship, encouragement, or inspiration. So, who does this consist of?

The first of my flock is my son. My adorable 8.5-year-old little man who is soaking up lessons like a sponge. I can't always tell which ones he's internalizing, but I'm hopeful they're the healthy ones. Certainly, he's learning my bad habits along the way as well. That is why I'm working diligently to rid my life of said nasty habits. Oh, there is the standard talking with your mouth full, saying "excuse me" when you burp, those kinds of things, but the nasty habits I'm referring to are the more insidious ones. I'm talking about making unhealthy choices regarding nutrition and exercise that can and do lay waste to one's energy, self-esteem, and control - in essence to the whole body and mind. It occurs to me that one might not realize the true weight of the insidious nature of these bad choices. The dictionary refers to insidious as "operating or proceeding in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect" or "beguiling but harmful; alluring." This perfectly describes what I did to my body for years. Everyone has to eat - it's food for the body. Food was my lure. I was an emotional eater and couldn't see how the choices I made were setting me up for future weight problems. I let myself use food as a crutch for all my ailments, mostly emotional. I just couldn't find a way of mimicking the joy I had when eating that Almond Joy or whatever happened to be in my hand at that moment.

Fast forward . . .
Now I am a mom to this wonderfully complex, fun-loving, warm, and EMOTIONAL 8.5-year-old boy. Am I looking at myself in the mirror? It's only been the last six months that I've finally come to understand the following about myself and food:
* My personality contributed to my being an emotional eater.
* I was using food to fill in the holes in my soul, not just the ones in my stomach.
* Our culture revolves socially around food.
* To overcome my attachment to food as anything other than sustenance I have to be introspective - knowing when and why I make the choice to turn to food even when I'm not hungry.
* I could make all the excuses in the world, but my life would not change until I acknowledged my relationships with both food and people and made a firm commitment to healthy change.
* I have the free will to choose. The decision is all mine and it's all about choices!

So, how much of my unhealthy habits have I spent the last 8 years teaching my son? I know the ones I've modeled and at times they've been pretty unhealthy. It is my sincere hope that the last 6 months have begun to instill in him the foundation for a healthy future. Don't get me wrong. I don't feel that I've ruined him. I'm not ready to brand myself as a terrible mom. It's just that I'm more prepared now to lead him in a direction he should go . . . following the road paved with healthy choices and healthful living! And just think, he's only one of the people in my flock! Boy, do I have my work cut out! :)

Drag Slows a Body Down

In my previous post about learning to swim, I noted that I learned how to flow through the water straighter by looking at the stripe on the bottom of the pool instead of trying to look forward. It occurs to me that this is a great metaphor for reaching one's life goals.

When swimming, trying to look forward to the end of the pool instead of looking down has two consequences. First, the act of raising your head to look forward causes your legs to drop down in the water, making you slightly more vertical than horizontal. Second, the new leg position creates drag, which slows you down. (This gives whole new meaning to another phrase I heard as a kid . . . "stop dragging your feet.")

Apply this to life. Looking forward, instead of focusing on the tasks at hand changes our focus from the present to the future. The act of changing that focus has a dual effect. First, we stop paying attention to what we're doing. Then, our change of focus makes us slow down in the race to reach our goals.

What if we just put our heads in the game, and stay focused on that "line on the bottom of the pool?" What would happen? I mean, those lines on the bottom of the pool ARE there for a reason, right? Yes! I think what would happen is three-fold.
1. We would stay on the right path - not straying from our goals.
2. In spite of not seeing the end of that line (since we aren't looking up) we would still know when we get to the end of the lane. We know because our line ends, bringing us to the end of our goal.
3. We would ultimately get there quicker.

Identification is the first step toward change. So are we slowing ourselves down? How are we sabotaging our own goals by creating "drag" in our lives?

Boldly Going Where I've Never Gone Before

Yesterday marked a milestone in my life; one I thought I'd never reach. After 36 years, I finally made the decision to learn to swim - really swim. I've watched others do it correctly and was always impressed with how smoothly and confidently they moved through the water. Each time I would think, "Wow, I wish I could do that!"

Since I was a little girl I've had a healthy respect for water. Okay, I'll call a spade a spade, it was really a fear. I was afraid of drowning. Sometimes I was just afraid of getting water up my nose and experiencing that annoying burning sensation. I let these things intimidate me into not trying. Oh, I would get in the water and even swim a pretty good sidestroke, but I could not put my head under without holding my nose and closing my eyes or using goggles.

Something came over me yesterday, so I approached a lifeguard at our pool, asked a few questions, and got a few answers. The journey had begun. If there is one thing I've learned through Spark People it's that armed with information, anyone can turn their life around. So, with this new information and the guidance of a lifeguard on her break, I threw myself into the pool and into learning this life skill.

With a little practice and boldness, I was able to overcome my previous anxieties and learn a variety of new skills.
1. How to hold a breath and submerge without water going up my nose - and without blowing bubbles.
2. How to flow through the water straighter by looking at the stripe on the bottom of the pool instead of trying to look forward.
3. How to breathe to the side while doing a freestyle swim.

Those may not sound like grand milestones to a comfortable swimmer. Rest assured they were huge for me. I practiced for the rest of our time at the pool and came away with a few other pieces of knowledge as well.
1. Even though I've not accomplished it by now doesn't mean I never will. I just have to apply myself.
2. Knowledge can break through many barriers, in swimming and in life.
3. Tackling something I am fearful of (and certain I'll never be able to do) and finding I am wrong creates courage and momentum to strive for other difficult goals.
4. Like my mom always said to me when I was young - "Can't never did!"
5. I have much more fun with my son at the pool as a result of being more comfortable in the water.

Though my journey with Spark People started out as a quest to lose weight, it has turned into so much more. So here I am, 36 years old and overcome with the feeling that a very large part of me just grew up. Did Spark People help me learn to swim? Not directly, but I can safely say that the feeling of accomplishment I've gained through losing 49 pounds (so far) has propelled me toward the search for other areas of my life where I've been selling myself short. I'm now on a quest to boldly go where I've never gone before. What's even better - I'm looking forward to the trip with excitement and wonder, instead of fear and trepidation.

The Way of Harmony - My First Karate Exam

It was my first karate exam. Where do I begin? The experience was nearly overwhelming. Maybe it was the fact that I was the only foreigner in the building, surrounded by hundreds of Japanese people, none of whom spoke English during the three-hour event. Talk about complete cultural immersion. It was scary, nerve-wracking, confusing, and yet amazing!

My last karate class had been nearly four weeks earlier because I was traveling. I had questions for my sensei, but with the language barrier, we had a difficult time communicating. In the end, he just said "daijobu," which means "it's okay." He was telling me not to worry. That was a tall order at the time when I was anxious to understand the process and do well. All of the commands were given in Japanese, most of which I did not understand. When the judge approached our group and gave information, I didn't get it. When the person calling out our movements spoke, I mostly had to rely on knowing which move came next, memorization, not understanding her command.

After much observation and intent focus, I took my test. I felt like all eyes were on me - the only American in the room. I felt a combination of anxiety and honor. I wanted to perform my kata beautifully and show the judges, my sensei, and everyone present that I value Wado-Ryu karate for what it is - the way of harmony. Of course, I wasn't feeling as harmonious inside as I should have been. I wanted to be confident, yet not arrogant. In the future, I will be more prepared now that I understand the process. It's not so foreign to me anymore.

The whole experience was awe-inspiring. I'm ready for the challenges that lie ahead. In fact, to help me better understand the way of karate, I've begun reading the autobiography of Gichin Funakoshi. Living in Japan has been an opportunity of a lifetime and now I'm learning a new side of Japanese culture. I've recently begun to understand how a person can dedicate an entire lifetime to the perfection of subtle movements. It is changing my focus, inspiring calmness and patience, and turning me into a more rounded person.

I look forward to the remaining time I have with Ohta sensei. In the beginning, it was about attaining a goal of a particular belt color. Now I'm just so happy to be molded by him, that the belt is of no consequence. It is a matter of perfecting my form. What a beautiful analogy for life in general. Now I must think about all the areas of my life where this can be applied, beginning with my walk with God.

Signed Up For My First 5K

I took a step closer to my goal today. While I was at the gym tonight, I signed up for my first 5K. I'm both excited and nervous. I can't wait to do it - and I can't believe I just said that! Wow, that's a first. I've never enjoyed running, but this about more than running. It's about setting a goal and achieving it.

There's so much to do in this life and so little time. I have begun the pruning process and am fine-tuning my life in order to be more productive. It feels great! (My finger hit that exclamation point key with purpose!) Tomorrow is another day and I need my beauty rest. As the song says, "so long self, I've found somebody else!" Tomorrow I'll continue getting to know this woman I've found. She's strange and new to me. :)

Where Am I Going?

Where am I going?

The baseball great, Yogi Berra, once said, "If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else." This is a theme I've been meditating on recently.

The path of least resistance always takes the easy way. For those of us on this journey to a healthy lifestyle, the easy way has not and will not work. There is no such thing as a quick fix. It's not just about losing weight, but about changing our lives. How will we do that if we don't know where we're going - if we don't have a plan?

For years, I didn't know where I was going. I let life take me wherever it would. My days slipped by, often unproductively, and turned into years. Before I knew it, I was 205 pounds and feeling hopeless, like my weight was beyond my control. My focus was on other things in life: getting married, having a baby, going to college. All these are beautiful life events - events I let overshadow my need for healthy living. I didn't have the knowledge back then to live healthy. I was putting my brain power into other things.

In the last ten years, I have learned a few things. Most recently, I have learned that if I don't choose a direction for my life, life will choose it for me. A wise person once said, "In the absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia." I've been performing those daily acts of trivia for far too long. The time for change has come!

I'm no longer satisfied with the status quo. Though it served its purpose for a season of my life, there is something more, some purposeful and meaningful I am being called to. All my life's experiences are calling out to me - "use me."

I know that God is calling on me to "prune" my life in order to be more productive. In two days, I will head to Tokyo for a symposium. For three days I will spend time focusing on the direction God has for me. Afterward, it is my sincere hope and prayer that He will give me the strength to cut out of my life whatever is obscuring my view of His goal, His will. I don't want to end up "someplace else." I want to be right where I'm supposed to be - doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Bring on the change!

Personal Tune Up

To keep a record of my history and attitude toward change is important to me.

Just like I have had a difficult time remembering to schedule oil changes or rotate my tires, I've also had a hard time reminding myself to take care of how my body runs. I've run out of my Synthroid and been off it for a month. I've neglected my nutrition and had long periods of exercise abstinence. It's over now. There are things I'm going to be doing on a regular basis to take better care of the body God has given me. I've already instituted some positive changes and others will come as I identify unhealthy habits.

Things I WILL do:

1. I WILL get consistent amounts of sleep.
2. I WILL have regular tests of my thyroid to ensure I'm on the right dose.
3. I WILL have my blood sugar and cholesterol tested tomorrow and on an annual basis.
4. I WILL take a multivitamin daily.
5. I WILL eat on purpose, making conscious decisions about what goes in my mouth.
6. I WILL do cardio exercise every day of the week except for Sunday.
7. I WILL do strength training 3 days per week, never two days in a row.
8. I WILL rest on Sundays - giving my day to God to glorify Him for the changes he's making in me.
9. I WILL spend at least 30 minutes, on nice days, outside getting sun.
10. I WILL maintain a schedule that leaves time for all of the above.
11. I WILL trust God.

It's all about choices. We must ask ourselves, "What is most important to me and what am I willing to do to see it happen?" What will you choose?

Things I WILL NOT do:

1. I will NOT allow myself to run out of my Synthroid prescription.
2. I will NOT allow others to derail my mission to get healthy.
3. I will NOT pretend that my decisions are the result of some mysterious force that I cannot control.
4. I will NOT make excuses to avoid healthy decisions.
5. I will NOT pass on unhealthy habits to my son.
6. I will NOT fail to lead the life God intends me to lead physically, mentally and spiritually.

Once we know what we ARE willing to do, and what we AREN'T willing to do, it's a matter of having the tenacity to stick to it. Are you willing to do that - to become tenacious?

These are words I hope will be accurate descriptions of me - of all of us:

Tenacious (persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired)

Determined (having reached a decision: firmly resolved)

Focused (to concentrate attention or effort)

Inspired (to fill or affect with a specific feeling or thought)

Faithful (strict or thorough in the performance of duty)

Honest (honorable in principles, intentions, and actions)

Finding My Short-Term Goal

All along I have had the general goal of losing weight, but it wasn't until recently that I finally decided on a short-term goal. When I've thought about short-term goals in the past, I haven't considered short-term being within a calendar year. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose from March to August is a fairly short amount of time.

So, after spending some time with my son working on my collage (picture on my front page) I concluded that climbing Mt. Fuji is going to be the short-term goal I will focus on. It is prominently displayed on my collage now and I look at it every day. It's good to be focused on that goal now. Finally, I have something to look forward to - a challenge to look forward to tackling!

Standing there on top of the highest mountain in Japan, the view will be amazing! I'm visualizing the breathtaking scene, the feel of my body, mind, and spirit as I take it all in. I can actually see myself standing there triumphant! I believe I will make it. Along with my husband, we will create a memory that will last a lifetime and cause a ripple effect that will carry us to the next great and healthy adventure of our lives. How exciting? I can't wait to get there. I've much work to do, but the stage has been set. Victory is at my fingertips!