The God Who Sees

The God Who Sees

Last night at youth group, I had an amazing small group of high school girls who changed before my eyes over the course of an hour.  As they leaned in, their walls began to slowly lower.  Texts from two of them later revealed how deeply they needed to be seen, heard and loved.  There is so much more to unpackage, process, and be open to around this.  Their messages were heartbreaking and illuminated their brokenness, reminding me of my own recent brokenness.  I am in awe of God as I share how the last 24 hours have unfolded.

This morning, I spontaneously decided to take the day off to be with my kids.  Peace was in my heart as I showered and contemplated how we can meet people where they are.  I thought about the high school girls last night.  Praising, worshipping, and praying in my bathroom, I thought about all the people who walk around us every day.  There are so many people and so many needs.  We can't possibly see them all and pursue them all.  But what if we can help people find us?  What if the people who need prayer can know we are here to pray over them and love them as they go through their trials?  The Holy Spirit got me excited about wearing a shirt that says, "How can I pray for you?"  My hands were literally trembling with energy as I prayed about this and continued preparing for the day.  Never have I trembled with that kind of spiritual energy.  I had an image of someone walking up to me in the grocery store to tell me their story, and praying together at that moment - two people meeting God together, tears and all - pure joy and pain all in one place.

An hour later, we were late getting out the door for the Texas State Fair and were meeting friends.  Stepping out of my house to the van, I saw a work van blocking my driveway.  Here is the exchange I had with the driver.

Audri: "Oh, I need to get out."  

Driver: "I'll be done in 15 minutes."  

Audri: "If you'll let me out, you're welcome to park in my driveway."  

He began walking around to the driver's side of his van.

Audri: "How are you today?" 

Driver: "I'm doing okay, how are you?"     

Audri: "If I got any better, I don't know if I could contain it!"

Driver: "Wow, that's really great."

It wasn't an energetic "wow," but rather one of curiosity.  Hearing this in his voice, the Holy Spirit urged me toward him.

Audri: "Can I pray for you?"

Driver: "Yes, of course."

I placed my hand on his shoulder and began to pray for unspecified needs for this man.  While I didn't know his needs, God already knew and was sensitive to the condition of his heart.  When we finished praying, he looked at me from behind orange mirrored sunglasses and I could see a tear coming down from the bottom of the right side of his glasses.  

Audri: "I see you.  What's going on?"

Driver: "There's just a lot of stuff going on in my life."

Audri: "What is your name?"

Driver: "Alberto"

Audri: "Alberto, look, a week ago, I was completely empty.  I was suicidal and had completely burned myself out.  My community, the people who love me, they met me in that place and they lifted me up to God when I didn't have the strength to do it myself.  Alberto, I don't know where you are.  I don't know what you're struggling with, but I know you can't do it alone and you need God.  And to get close to God, if you don't have the strength to do it right now, the people you surround yourself with will do it for you.  You need community."

He began to cry.

Alberto: "I really needed to hear that.  Everything that you said, I was right there two months ago.  I really needed to hear this.  Thank you so much.  Can I have a hug?"

Audri: "Absolutely!"

Hugging there at the end of my driveway, two complete strangers experienced a bit of healing and a lot of the presence of God.  

Audri: "See this house?  This is my house.  Now you know where I live.  If you ever need a hug or a prayer, come find me."

This beautiful interaction with a man named Alberto at the end of my driveway, on a bright sunny day, was no random encounter.  God knew we both would be there.  The emptiness I'd felt over the last week had made space for me to be filled by God.  I'd spent the morning praising Him and listening for the urging of the Holy Spirit and my heart had already been prepared for that moment.  God had already prepared Alberto to receive that moment.

None of the events of the last week are a surprise to God.  And I won't live in shame or hide the fact that struggled to that degree of hopelessness.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 encourages me that God never wastes a single hurt.  We are not perfected in order to serve.  It is through our brokenness that God prepares us to serve others.  "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  I praise God for the comfort he has brought me through others who were unwilling to watch me suffer, and who lifted me to the presence of God when I couldn't get myself there.  Lord, don't ever let me forget my brokenness.  Amen!