Toddler Epiphanies

Lisse says to Daddy.
"Daddy, I have a idea!"
Daddy, totally riveted, waits for an impressive piece of knowledge.
Lisse. . . "Your head belongs to your face!"

Sometime later. . .
Lisse runs face first into the hutch.
"Ouch!"  (Rubbing her head.)  "Daddy, I keep getting owies!"
Daddy. . . "Well, your head belongs to your face."

I will never get tired of observing 3 year-olds using language.  LOL

Late Night Sugars

I have to admit that once the kids go to bed at night I really enjoy having time to myself.  Invariably though, the quiet never lasts for long as I hear the creak of the floor and the pitter-patter of little feet on the ceiling.  There have been too many times I've hollered up the stairs, "Get in your bed!"  Not long ago, I decided to stop whatever was so important (dishes, e-mail, laundry, movie watching, etc.) and trudge back up the stairs to address why they were yet again out of their beds after lights out.  Tonight was one such occasion, and here is how it went. . .

Pitter-patter, creak, creak. . . up the stairs, I'm barely in the door of their mostly dark room and I hear a little voice softly say, "Hi, Mama."  I knelt by his bed and as he lay back on his pillow, he said, "I check Sissa and she is sleeping."

"Why did you need to check Sissa," I asked?

"I need sugars."

"Oh, okay."  He swung his little feet to the floor and crept over to her bed.  I rested my hand on her in the dark and could feel him reach down with his little hands to find her face.  The slightest smack of his lips was all I could hear as he gently gave her sugars on her left cheek before climbing back into his bed.

I leaned over and held him in an easy hug, whispering in his ear how much I love him.  "Can I give you sugars, Bubba?"

"Yes."

"Can you go night night now?"

"Yes."

Moments later I am now back at my computer and the house is calm and quiet again.  For now they may argue and fight over this toy or that or disagree feverishly about whether or not to watch Dora or Octonauts, but one day I will share this story with his sister and she will know how much he has always loved her.  And never again will I pass up an opportunity to share those late night moments with my kids.  These days will too soon pass.

What Matters Today & Tomorrow

What Matters Today

doing my dishes, over and over

washing, folding, and putting away the clothes

dropping off and picking up my son from silversmithing class

checking my e-mail

cooking meals...and planning more

walking the dogs

grocery shopping

cleaning the house 

paying bills

organizing next week's school schedule

telling them to stop talking and eat their food, stop arguing. . .

What Matters Tomorrow

watching Blues Clues

stopping to pet all the dogs at the park

strumming the threads of the spider web

watching the creek flow under the bridge

running under the red "magnets" (arches) at the park

stopping to admire the bamboo. . . and talk about pandas

wiping his runny nose, again and again

taking time for hugs and sugars to stave off a tantrum

celebrating with my son as he shows me his first silver creations

not making mountains out of molehills

telling them about Jesus

Caught Longing

They sat staring out at the rain, cradling double-handled cups of their afternoon snack in their hands.  Grapes, they love grapes.  You would think it was a cold winter day, though it was more than 80 degrees outside.  In between mouthfuls they alternated between chasing one another around the house and pleading to go outside.  By the time the rain relented, dinner was nearly finished cooking.  This is how it goes with time. . . it simply gets away, often while we are consumed with the minutia of life.  They do not have a monopoly on longing, but on this day theirs is all that matters.  

How could I not have engaged their little dreams.  My sister reminded me of a time not so long ago when I threw-off my bonds of dullness and traipsed through the rain with my oldest son, just because we could.  We were soaked to the bone and loved every rain-drenched minute of it.  

I can't get so caught in the routine 

that I don't allow myself to get caught up in the moment.  

The photo is my reminder.

Lest you think otherwise, this is what lay on the other side of those little hoods. . . that mischievous little grin melts my heart.

Revenge of the Apple Festival

Last night our family attended the Apple Festival and Campfire.  We headed out early thinking we would grab a nice dinner together before heading to Rock Creek Regional Park.  It was a good thing we left home early since the DC traffic was horrid.  By the time we got near the park there was little time to enjoy a leisurely dinner, so we opted to stop in to Chipotle for a quicker bite to eat, although it was hardly quick as we were stuck behind an apologetic woman who was placing an order for an army.  While waiting our turn, we had a spontaneous conversation with a lovely Irish lady with a great accent - a conversation that could hardly be avoided since the twins stood two feet in front of her, staring up at her with unblinking eyes.  For some reason, she was a spectacle to them.  Interestingly, I routinely find myself commenting to yet another stranger that they would think my children have never seen other people for how often they stare holes through them.  Thankfully, the twins normally receive a warm reception, which invariably yields smiles and giggles all the way around.

Upon inhaling our dinner, we were out the door, not quite sprinting to the van, but just nearly as we wanted to have as much time as possible to play before sunset.  Certain of my directions, I set out with Koen as my navigator.  My first indication of a problem came when "you have reached your final destination" only to find it was a dead end with only a bicycle path entrance to the park.  Scratching my head, I surmised that I had only to continue driving the park perimeter, which logically should reveal the proper entrance.  Yeah, well. . . this is a rather large park.  After ten minutes of testing my apparently faulty logic, I pulled over and double checked my address.  It turned out I had input the general park address, but not the park's nature center address.  Problem solved, we put on our racing caps and sped off (a whole 5 miles over the speed limit) to the correct address.  We were thrilled to finally get to the festival. . . and only 30 minutes late.

Everyone piled out of the car ready for fun and me with my camera in hand to capture it all.  First stop was the trunk, where I pulled out my handy dandy bug spray.  We were after all entering what appeared to be a 72 acre jungle.  I have to admit I was proud that for once I had remembered to bring the insect repellent.  My kids were finally going to be bug free!  Imagine how loudly my bubble burst when after fighting with the can of bug spray, I had to abandon my attempts at shielding my kids from the mosquitoes because the sprayer was broken.  Well, at this point no one cared because they heard the music spilling through the trees from deep in the forest.  Lisse would have it no other way than to sprint toward the music, which we did.

After clearing the ticket table and repeatedly removing the display apples from Lisse's hands, we headed toward the sound of the banjo.  The kids pointed out every little thing along the way.  They certainly are city kids, but they're fast learners.  Taking out across an open field, they were squealing with joy.

It wasn't long before the field turned into a forest path and Lisse learned her first lesson about avoiding tree roots.  She took a rather dirty tumble, recovered quickly, and still blazed the trail ahead of the boys.

Finding our way into the center of the melee, we looked around and plotted our course of action.  First step, apple-tasting!  Gala and Honey Crisps were among the variety, but the one that caught our eye was the Smokehouse.  It was pretty tasty, as are all apples in our humble opinions - we are just an apple-eatin' family - however, Honey Crisp took the prize.  We then tried our hand at pressing apple cider, making apple pies, eating caramel apples, and creating Johnny Appleseed hats, all while listening to a talented, live bluegrass band singing mostly hymns.

At this point I would normally move on in the story, but I have to pause to contemplate the caramel apple.  Whoever came up with the caramel apple concept must have been a twisted individual, or at least not slightly OCD like me.  It took all of five seconds of watching everyone else walking around gnawing rather unsuccessfully on their miracle grow, massive apples to realize there must be a better way.  Like the perfect marriage of peanut butter and chocolate achieved by the Reese's peanut butter cup, I snagged an apple from the caramel apple stand and stepped ten feet over to the young man cutting apples at the tasting stand.  Voila!  You would have thought I was developing the cure for cancer as people stared at my sliced apples.  No really, didn't McDonald's figure this out not so long ago?  In all fairness, when you have a child who loves apples, but is cursed with braces, you have to improvise.

After all the aforementioned fun, we made our way to the campfire for marshmallow roasting, smores, and a viewing of the classic, animated Johnny Appleseed.  Everything was going well until Lisse melted down over wanting to eat her "marsho" before it was roasted.  She truly never relented on the issue until I took the initiative to create the smore and shove it in her mouth.  At that point, she was like Stitch when he was destroying Lilo's room and she placed the lei around his neck, at which point he fell over backwards and began purring in contentment.  Okay, so Lisse was not quite purring, but I'm fairly certain she reached toddler nirvana.  Nothing like sugaring up your kids just before bedtime.

With the festival itself shaping up nicely, I was quite content that I had provided my kids with such a wonderful opportunity to make a warm memory with Mama.  Feeling quite accomplished that I had achieved my goal, I convinced the kids to leave ahead of the crowd.  We even stopped on the way out of the nature center upon Lisse's request to ogle at the farmer, which is oddly what she persists in calling any red barn she sees.  On the way out to the parking area, she then spied a sign that read "NO VEHICLES."  She was beside herself, "Mama, LOOK!  It's AB's!"  We spent a couple minutes letting her and Karter trace the letters with their fingers.  These were moments of pure joy.

 

Heading out of the park on a slightly declining sidewalk, Lisse began picking up speed.  "Lisse be careful, slow dow. . ."  My words trailed off as she tripped forward, landed on her knees, and rolled forward onto her face, screaming.  Only five feet behind her, I snatched her up with speed and cradled her in my arms, shoving the front of her shirt into her mouth, having already seen the blood pouring from her lip.  There was little light left to the dusky evening and I jogged to the van carrying her, Koen trailing behind holding Karter by the hand and carrying our goodie bags, camera bag, and my cell phone and keys.  Koen was one step ahead of me and had the side door of the van open before I got there with Lisse.  I placed her in her car seat and tried to get a closer look at her face.  I was just realizing the extent of her lip injury when Koen blurted out that one of the bags had torn open and something had fallen out. . . in the dark.

 

Strapping the kids into their car seats, I quickly surveyed the remaining contents of the bag and realized the missing item was my cell phone.  Like looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack, I began brushing my hands all over the tallish grass on the side of the road where we were parked.  By this time, there was nearly no light whatsoever.  Rather desperately wanting to find my cell phone so I could get Lisse home to doctor her wounds, I stopped a passing parent and asked him to call my phone, not realizing that Koen had his cell phone in his pocket.  As we all searched the grass, Koen called my phone, which was answered by a lady who had found it inside the park.  Koen sprinted back inside the park, secured my phone, and sprinted back to the van.  He had an even greater sense of urgency over the whole incident than I did, even gasping and recoiling with his hand over his mouth upon seeing the blood.  In his mind, we were experiencing an emergency.

Safely back in the van, he used my cell phone to navigate us back to where my internal map could take over and get us home.  Halfway home, Lisse began saying her nose and knee hurt as well, and I reassured her that I would be her doctor once we got home.  Karter quickly jumped on the doctor bandwagon, stating he was going to be Lisse's doctor too.  Minutes into that conversation Lisse stopped crying and said "I'm better now, Mama.  Can I be play a doctor too?"

It was all uphill from there as we finished our trek home, bathed the kids, and had some great play time before bed.  The looks on their faces tell it all.  They just love being together!  Koen adores them, they follow his every move, and they are all pretty much inseparable.  

In hindsight the whole evening could have perhaps been characterized as attending the "get stuck in traffic, shovel your dinner down your throat, get lost, rip your lip off, lose your cell phone" festival!  Thankfully, all these things were punctuated by warm, memorable moments. . . and the smores didn't hurt either.  Like many other days and circumstances, we lived to tell about it.  If such times can end in a photo like the one above of my three kids, I'll take whatever life throws at us. 

Call It Like You See It

In reflecting today about life struggles, it occurred to me how often we delude ourselves into thinking that things are not as they appear, even when they truly are. Often we mask our internal conflicts, keeping them hidden not only from others, but from ourselves as well. This defense mechanism can be beneficial at times, though over time it can also be quite destructive. This has been the case with my food addiction over the years. I dare say, millions of people around the world can relate to this exact situation - if they can open themselves up to the risk of being completely transparent, if not with others, at least with themselves for starters.

Earlier today I was contemplating the "mask" when chatting with my oldest son. I admitted to him how common occurrence it has been for me to stop at Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donuts when out by myself. My deception served multiple purposes:

1. I spent less money because I didn't have to buy for the whole family.
2. I didn't have to feel self-conscious about eating junk food in front of my husband and risk him thinking (though he would never say it) that I was sabotaging my weight.
3. I didn't have to feel guilty about setting a bad example for my family, enabling unhealthy eating habits.
4. I didn't have to deal with the conflict of giving to my family to make me feel better about eating it myself.

I told my son about my struggle and how often I've sneaked food when no one was looking. Then I asked him if he had ever done the same, to which he responded affirmatively. Of course, I knew the answer to that question. I've seen the candy wrappers in his desk drawer, among other places. Imagine my relief when he was honest with me. What should it indicate to me that I have deceived around food, and that my son has too? It is an indicator that neither of us has had a healthy relationship with food.

Going back to the mask. . . for me to call it like I see it, particularly in regards to self, I have to be honest about HOW I see myself. It not only breeds self-respect, but fosters respect from others. Once we unmask our deceptions, it breaks the strangle-hold that leading our double life with food holds over us.

From now on, whether it's embarrassing or difficult to admit, I will call it like I see it within myself. Perhaps I'll just think of it as the "Taming of the Beast".

Reminding Myself: I CAN Do It!

I wrote this blog on SparkPeople back in 2008 after losing 61 pounds.  It was selected today on their website as their inspirational story for the day.  The timing was perfect for me to reread it and remind myself that I've done it once. . . and I can do it again!  I'm not at the same starting place, thankfully.  This time my starting weight is 194.  Not that I mark success solely by the scale, but it is a logical place to start.  Anyway, up, up, and away we go!

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This was me at my heaviest non-pregnant weight.  I was about 210-215 pounds.

One day my soul woke up and it was fat! It didn't happen overnight; I wasn't always fat. I had spent the last 11 years eating emotionally. It started with my husband's death. We had been newlyweds. Emotional eating had stayed with me long after my wounds began to heal and even after I remarried. It had become a habit. And even though I knew I was hurting myself, I felt powerless to overcome it. Food had control over my life for years, but finally, I decided to live differently. From somewhere came a glimmer of hope that my life could be different.

Then SparkPeople showed up with a soft knock and an invitation: "Can Audri come out and play?" This began a journey of self-discovery I never could have imagined. You see, I didn't realize that year after year, my personality and my future were slowly being buried under a growing layer of fat!

SparkPeople helped me realize for the first time that to be successful I had to make some serious changes. It wasn't enough to make a New Year's resolution and hope for the best. I had to commit to being different…but first I had to believe it was possible. So I started with what I knew to be true. I knew I had not always been fat. I knew others had overcome even greater weight obstacles than mine. Mostly, I knew that through my faith, I could do anything. After acknowledging these things, I felt prepared to commit to whatever it took to conquer myself. Within a week, I came up with the four strategies I would use to set myself up for success. 

First, I assessed my battle with food in an honest way. My "If they don't see me eat it, it doesn't count" attitude had to go! Using the Nutrition Tracker, I took a close look at my food choices and it opened my eyes! Over time, I chose to eliminate caffeine, table salt, alcohol, sodas and excessively high fat, high-calorie foods from my diet. Some were harder to let go than others were, but one by one they fell by the wayside in exchange for healthier options.

Second, I stopped hiding my struggle. Those who loved me had known all along anyway—my size 18 wasn't a good disguise. I was only fooling myself. I realized I had fallen into a habit of secretly losing a little weight with the hope that others would notice. When they didn't, I became discouraged and eventually quit. I decided to try a different approach and bring God, my family and friends into the program with me. This way, I was encouraged and held accountable. Eventually, I joined a SparkTeam and even started one of my own.

Third, I set my goals. I set concrete short, medium and long-term goals based on my interests. Some I knew were attainable, like doing cardio four days each week. Some were a stretch, like climbing Mt. Fuji someday—something that would take a lot of hard work to reach. I needed to have something on the horizon to aim at, a target. It was important for it to be realistic enough that I could focus on it instead of my overall weight loss goal. If I had begun by focusing on losing the whole 70 pounds, I would have become overwhelmed and possibly given up.

Fourth, I put a concrete plan in motion to help me succeed. I wrote out my plan on my SparkPage to keep myself accountable. This included making my Nutrition and Fitness Trackers public so others could see what I was tracking. I devoted myself to following my plan, even on the days when I wanted to quit. I determined there were only two choices: to quit or continue. And quitting wasn't an option.

Along the way, a funny thing happened. I found me! Each honest step I took loosened the control food had over me. Once I began to see the fruits of my labor, I realized that I could have done it all along. I had been making excuses and giving away my freedom to choose a better life. Through overcoming the old me, I realized that my personality had been stifled. I wasn't energetic enough to be on the outside the person I was on the inside. Now, I have a zeal that was lost for years. I am alive! I've even tackled new physical challenges and along the way come to think of myself as an athlete. In August 2008, I climbed to the top of Mt. Fuji. And in November 2008, my whole family decided to run the Marine Corps-sponsored Toys for Tots 5K on Yokosuka Naval Base. I'll never forget what happened between my son and me that day.

The horn blew and we started at a good clip, with my young son jogging easily and setting a good pace. It wasn't long before he was ready to slow down a little, and not long after that, he was ready to quit altogether. He had brought a lime green bandanna to wear around his neck but had taken it off. As he was about to give up, I took the bandanna from him and grasped one end tightly. Handing him the other end, I said, "Come on, I won't let go. We can do it together every step of the way." I wanted so desperately for him to overcome all that held him back and simply persevere to the end.

I spoke to him of children who would benefit from what we were doing and of those who walk more than five kilometers just to get a drink of dirty water. We spoke of climbing Mt. Fuji and other challenges that life still holds ahead of us. I pulled and pushed him. I cheered for him. I empathized with him. I shared bits and pieces of life wisdom with him. This was not the first time I had told him that I believe in him, that "You can do it!" Even still, today was different. Today was that opportunity for him to rise above something bigger than he was, and not just to call himself a conqueror, but also to feel it in his spirit.

During the last leg, as we could see the finish line, I was giving him a pep talk. I wish I could recall the exact words I said to him at that moment, but I'll never forget his response: "Yeah, just like YOU believe in me." At that moment, my heart swelled with love and hope. Hope that he will embrace those words and grow to be a confident man who does not fear life's challenges. He confirmed that he does truly listen to me and believes me when I tell him, "I believe in you."

As we neared the finish line, he told me he was ready to sprint. He let go of the green bandanna we had carried together for the last 3 miles and we sprinted together to the finish line. During the whole race, he never stopped moving forward—not once. He had ups and downs, but he never quit. And as we crossed that finish line side-by-side, he became a little more of the adult I will someday know him to be.

After grabbing some water and finding my husband, we stood together to listen to the race results. My softhearted 8-year-old son said to me, "That was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm glad I did it." In that moment, I learned the most beautiful truth: Today he came to believe in himself, like SparkPeople helped me believe in myself. This would have never happened had I not wrestled with my food and exercise demon and come out victorious, believing in myself. This moment was made possible by SparkPeople and one life changed—no, make that two.

I realized that perhaps the greatest consequence of my weight loss (60 pounds to date) is that I have the ability to help others in a meaningful way. I never thought I would see the day when others would call me an inspiration. Living as a fat person enabled me to relate better to the struggles of others. I guess those 11 "fat" years weren't completely wasted after all. 

This is after losing weight.  Here I was 144 pounds and felt amazing!  

I am striving to be this healthy again.

Watching Them Learn & Grow

The kids and I recently went to the USDA Agricultural Research Center to pick corn for the Food for Others: Harvest for the Hungry program.  It was a great opportunity to expose the kids to razor sharp leaves, itching...er, helping people, seeing where their food comes from, etc.  All kidding aside, seeing them experience new things is always exciting for me.  I'm especially passionate about teaching them to give to their community.  Getting children involved in service projects at an early age is beneficial for everyone.  They need to understand and embrace the role they can and will play in making a difference in the lives of those less fortunate than themselves.  What goes around does truly does come around.  Additionally, exposing them to agricultural experiences is beneficial so that they learn where their food comes from and how it's processed.  

The day was fairly hot, about 82 degrees.  I have to say Karter took a page from Mama's book..."Mama, I wan do back to a tar.  I sweaty."  He didn't last long.  I kept having to distract him with "Oh, there's a corn! Pull it down and twist it!"  The corn was in better shape than I expected considering the lack of rain this year.  Once they decided they could run in the corn they had a better time.  Of course that created a little more stress for Mama.  It was everything I could do not to lose them in the field.

We wrapped up our picking and lounged on the tailgate eating cold clementines.  It was refreshing and wonderful.  Afterwards, we made our way to a nice park for lunch with friends who had joined us for the day.  The kids and their friends ran themselves crazy.  Koen was the oldest and spent plenty of time giving piggyback rides to the others.  Of course wherever Karter is, there is inevitably significant amounts of entomological exploration.  They crawled on the ground, following a granddaddy longlegs spider, observed a beetle as it crawled down the middle of the table between their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and poked and prodded tons of stinkbugs!

Following our fun stop for lunch and bugs, we took off for frozen yogurt at froYo.  Everyone loves a little cold treat after running around outside on a hot day.

After dinner and showers, the twinks went to bed and Koen and I read a couple chapters together in his new book, Kingdom's Dawn (Kingdom Series).  It was a relaxing end to a lovely day.  I love days like this with my kids.  Before I know it those days will be long gone and I'll be wondering where the time went.  Accordingly, I've been working harder lately on enjoying little moments with them, engaging them in more meaningful or playful ways, and just following their lead.  My attitude of late has been just go with it.  :)  As such, we've been shifting gears a lot, turning on a dime as it were.  I have always said my middle name is Gumbi.  Guess I'm trying to wear that a little more.

Seeing the smile on my 12 year-old's face as he explores the world and shares his latest finds with me is priceless.  I want to share with him as many more days like that as I'm able.  He was so joyful upon spying this tiny purple flower growing from the corn stalk.  You would have thought he found gold. Half of my job as a his homeschool mom is complete.  He loves to learn!  Everything else is just giving him access to the knowledge and like this little purple flower. . . watching him grow.  Now if I can instill the same love in the twins.  I just love this life!

 

Flemmies, Soank Ateckers, and Yestermornings

I absolutely love the things my kids say. Over the years I have tried to document funny words or phrases as they've spilled out of their mouths. When they are using their English they are as serious as a heart attack, completely sure of themselves.

When my 12 year-old was about 3, he wrapped a chubby little arm around each of our necks (me and my husband) and pulling us close announced, "I love my flemmy." Flemmy has been a part of our flemmy language for nearly ten years now. More than any other word he ever said, that one will stay with us.

Each of the kids has contributed to our family speak. My 3 year-old daughter routinely talks about things that happened "yestermorning." I love it! It is her way of talking about anything that is past tense. It's adorable. In her honor, I have taken to referring to past events as having occurred yesterevening as well. :)

None of the kids ever really runs out of a word to share. Accordingly, my current 3 year-old son will talk your ear off. He actively grows his vocabulary each day. When he spouts off a sentence, he will sometimes get half-way and turn to me searching for the word to describe what he's talking about. He'll pause, smile at me, and say, "Mama, I don't know that word." That is of course my cue to fill in his blank. He then uses his new word repeatedly to reinforce his learning.

Recently, he has become quite interested in fire. It all began one night when he noticed a tiny green light shining down from his ceiling. "Wha's dat dreen yight, Mama?" I can hear him saying it. :) I told him it was the smoke detector. He tried so hard to repeat those words, but they simply would not roll off his tongue. For at least two weeks now he has been talking about smoke, fire, choking, and staying safe. No less than twice a day he talks with us about the "soank atecker" and how it will keep him safe from the fire.

Two nights ago Daddy pushed the test button so he could hear how loud it is. Now he's more interested than ever. We daily reassure him (and his twin sister, since she has not-so-spontaneously developed a like interest) that the soank atecker won't choke him and that Mama and Daddy will run to get him if it makes a loud beep.

Someday this conversation will pass. He will absorb this knowledge like all the rest.
Someday he won't look to me to fill in the words for him.
Someday he won't need me to reassure him that I'll rescue him from the fire.
Someday all the kids will says words I will have to look up in my dictionary.

Until then, I'm so happy to talk about flemmies, soank ateckers, and yestermornings. I just smile, hug their little necks, and tell them how smart (and cute) they are. :)

The smoke detector just happened to go off while I was cooking dinner the day after I wrote this blog.  It was fun to capture the essence of the soank atecker.  :)

Proximity Alarms a.k.a. Twins

With any amount of observation it is easy to see plethora examples of yin and yang in our environments. My son's strong set of magnets for example. He can place one on top of the table, the other underneath, and move them around with no interference from the wood in between. I tend to think of my twins in similar terms.

So often they are joined at the hip. While they aren't identical, their existence seems to extend and revolve around one another. What he does, she does, and vice versa. How we have been able to get around having two of everything must truly be God's grace. That's not to say that things run smoothly all the time. On the contrary, our peaceful, productive days are often punctuated by explosions of three year-old fierce competition. Such was the case this morning.

More often than not now, the twins are able to work together toward common purposes or play goals. It's been a beautiful thing to behold - two lovely little toddlers stretching their creativity and minds. We have been hearing a steady stream of "Let's do it, Sissa!" and "Help me, Tarter!" (The twins are named Lisse and Karter, but you'd never know it.) Occasionally, we still have a day when their magnetism toward one another is more like a proximity alarm. Today, no matter what they've been engaged in, whether individually or cooperatively, the closer they came to one another, the louder the screams became.

It cracked me up to think of them both as proximity alarms. I thought these became disabled sometime after the separation anxiety stage of infanthood. Now if we can just get them to the stage where they are more like proximity sensors without the alarm. :)

Accountable Kids is a Big Hit

Over the summer I attended my first homeschool convention, HEAV (Homeschool Educators Association of Virginia). Little did I know that after seven years of homeschooling, I was in for a real treat - a time of refreshing and rejuvenation. Those three days were amazing and have helped me renovate and organize my homeschool life. I grew so many brain cells! One product I was blessed to stumble upon is Accountable Kids. I didn't realize until using this system exactly how much I needed it. There is no way I could have imagined how much it would positively impact our family life.

According to developers Traci and Scott Heaton and their website (www.accountablekids.com):

Accountable Kids is a unique parenting program designed to teach accountability and responsibility in the home. It is a back-to-basics system which includes essential parenting principles and concrete stepping stones that strengthen relationships and build a foundation for success; an ideal program for ADHD natural treatment therapy. Children learn to balance choices and consequences in a fun, productive manner. They experience the joy of being a vital, contributing member of the family and develop confidence and self-worth. The Accountable Kids program includes a book, Quick Start DVD, Progress Board, 50 Reminder Cards, 3 blank Reminder Cards, 10 Tickets, 10 Bonus Bucks, 3 Special Date Cards, 4 Best Behavior Cards, and 2 Privilege Passes, and 2 sticker sheets. The Accountable Kids program provides everything parents need to maximize efforts and bring structure and harmony into the home.


Steps of the Program


Step One: Children learn to take care of personal responsibilities without constant direction. They learn work ethics, time management, and responsibility. Children earn Tickets by completing basic chores. Tickets can then be used for activities or privileges. Tickets provide parents the ability to discipline without losing control or physical contact. Basic values are encouraged and reinforced with the Best Behavior Card.

Step Two: The Privilege Pass is introduced to eliminate specific negative behaviors. This process empowers children to predict consequences, follow rules, and redirect themselves towards positive behaviors. A Special Date Card is added to allow children to work for future rewards and enhance parent/child relationships.

Step Three: Completing basic chores provides basic privileges, but not the extras. Children earn Bonus Bucks for completing extra chores. This gives them the ability to make decisions about purchases. They experience the advantages of saving and learn to manage resources for the future.

Step four: The Family Forum presents an opportunity to discuss goals, problems, challenges, and accomplishments. It provides an opportunity to monitor progress and encourage positive behaviors. Quiet Time is introduced to refresh and recharge children and parents. It encourages the use of imagination, self-discipline, and self-entertainment.

My Personal Experience with Accountable Kids

When preparing the peg boards for our 3 year-old twins, I enlisted the help of my 12 year-old son. We decided to go the natural route and he took them into the backyard to burn their names into the wood using the sun and a magnifying glass. They turned out quite nicely.

I sat down to watch the video with high hopes and found that it did not disappoint. The Heatons presented the program in such a simple way that setting it up in our home was a cinch. I was able to set up their boards and chores after watching the first 12 minutes of the video. Armed with the information presented in the DVD, I had my husband mount their peg boards in the diningroom, low enough for the kids to reach them and placed all their chore cards on the basic chores and extra chores pegs. After watching the entire video, I headed to bed with a clear idea of what the next day would bring. I drifted off to sleep with the possibilities alive in my head.

The next morning, I sprung out of bed and bounced into their room with a fresh perspective, ready to help them get dressed, make beds, etc. We hardly made it downstairs before Karter saw his board and said, "Mama, you put these cards on here for me while I was sleeping?" He was already excitedly pulling them from the pegs to inspect the photos on each card. I had them both pull cards from their start peg and flip them onto the finish peg for getting dressed and making their beds. We then moved on to breakfast and our morning chores. Before we knew it, all their morning chores were completed and we flipped the rest of the cards over onto the finish peg. I explained to them that they had earned a "ticket" for completing all their morning chores. You would have thought I had given them a surprise ice cream when I handed them their tickets. After explaining to them that they get to "spend" their tickets on fun things like watching a 30 minute kid show, they were ecstatic and settled in to spend their first ticket on an episode of Dora the Explorer.

Admittedly, I had become one of those parents who was too ready to plop their toddler in front of a television so that I could get something done. I was thankful for the distraction so that I could perform my she-Tazmanian Devil whirlwind around the house doing all the chores that I have now set out to teach my children to do along side me.

Throughout the first day, they spent tickets on two shows, blowing bubbles in the front yard, and making chalk drawings on the driveway. We were able to accomplish all the chores on their "go" peg and then some. I felt productive and peaceful and didn't have to mediate arguments as usual. The day flew by! I was amazed at how positively the day had progressed. This type of day has been the norm each time we actively use Accountable Kids. There have been days we haven't used the program and I have overwhelmingly found that our days are more hectic, less productive, and much more stressful, mostly because the kids have too much time on their hands, which leads to more conflict between them. Following the cards I've set up for each of them keeps us flowing through the day with a steady stream of productivity, fun, interaction, and calm down time that we all share. I think they sleep better too because they are more active throughout the day.

The program has been so effective with our younger kids that we have also decided to use it with our 12 year-old son. He doesn't even have his board yet and he is already excited about the possibilities, particularly his earning potential by doing extra chores and earning bonus bucks. We have already laid out with him the benefits he can realize by being more responsible within the family. He has already benefited from the concept of the best behavior card. During a recent visit to our home, his best friend left crumbs on the table after eating a sandwich. My son instructed his friend to clean up the crumbs and showed him an easy way to accomplish this. I stood back and soaked it all up. I took a "Best Behavior Card" and handed it to him, explaining how proud I was of his behavior. Once I outlined for him how we will use this card, he was even more excited to use the program.

On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the highest mark, I give Accountable Kids a high five in terms of easy of use, flexibility within and across families, and effectiveness in establishing routines and discipline. I look forward to the positive difference this will continue to make within my family as we use the program to enhance our communication and increase the harmony within our home. I'm so thankful to have found Accountable Kids.

Dates Upon a Stone

A classmate of mine recently pondered "Where did the time go?" She's 30 and nearly panicked that she hasn't accomplished more in her life. It got me to thinking about a breakdown of my life in five year increments from age 10.

10 - Facing my parents divorce, moving...moving...moving.
15 - Moving across country (Texas to Maine) and adjusting to new school, friends, etc.
20 - Married, working full-time, living below poverty line, trying to survive being undereducated, newlywed, and young.
25 - Newly widowed, active duty military with plans for 20 year military career.
30 - Out of Navy, moving around the world (Hawaii to DC), mom of 2.5 year old, new college graduate, new career, obese.
35 - Moving around the world again (DC to Japan), adjusting to new culture, homeschooling only child, struggling with infertility, still obese, teaching ESL to Japanese people.
40 - Graduate student, homeschooling three children, volunteering, focusing on reclaiming fitness lost by: childbirths, inattention to self, emotional eating.

All of these transitions have been sometimes painful and other times joyful. Go figure that I tell people my middle name is Gumby. This represents not only a lot of change, but a lot of shifting of goals and priorities. Many times throughout represent the death of dreams that were incredibly difficult to let go, while others reflect great triumph. There have been so many things along the way - my moments in the middle. Like Mark Harris says in his song "The Line Between the Two":

A beginning and an ending, dates upon a stone
But the moment in the middle is how we will be known
Cause what defines us can be found within a line
Finding reason for our time

(Chorus:)
And the years go by, how they seem to fly
They'll all be over soon
When our life is done, did we live and love
The way we wanted to
Cause everyday that we leave behind
Goes on to tell the truth
Of how we lived in the line between the two
The line between the two

Will I walk straight, will I be true
Will I finish strong
Will I stand up for the moment
When I could right a wrong
Because the legacy we have will never change
It's how we spend our days

(Chorus)

I could live a life for just myself
Or I could live a life for someone else
But I'll live and die just to hear
You say
Well done my son come and be with Me

(Chorus)

I want to do more than simply live and breathe. If not now, when? The moment in the middle IS how we will be known. What do I want to leave behind? That is a question that will unfortunately have to wait for another time as I forge ahead with more school work. At this moment, I'm hopeful that all this work is going to be a catalyst for my upcoming "moments in the middle." I want to be leave behind so much more than just my dust in the wind.

Whole30 - Day 13: Green Bean Frittata & Squash Casserole

Okay, so it was a nice, lazy Saturday morning and I was trying to see what leftover veggies I could involve in our breakfast. Wow! This is a huge change in my thinking. Veggies were never a consideration for breakfast until a few weeks ago. I spied the green beans and the word frittata sprang to mind. I threw those suckers in the skillet with some olive oil, sauteed them until tender crisp, with some spices, and poured my beaten eggs over them. I left them cooking on the stove until the eggs began to bubble around the edges, then popped the skillet in the oven and broiled it until the eggs were done on top. I cut it up like pizza and everyone got 1-2 slices along with a bacon and fruit scramble and some grapes. It was a great breakfast and a nice change up. We're going to try other frittatas as well, like salmon. Yum!

Tonight we marinated steaks for the grill and baked some sweet potato fries with cinnamon. Of course that was all good, nothing new there. Then I found a recipe for a squash casserole in the Paleo Comfort Foods cookbook. After making this dish, I can see why it's called a comfort food. I could have eaten the whole pan. Talk about Whole30! It was super simple too: squash, zucchini, onion, coconut milk, almond meal, and pecans. That is one thing I can say with ease - everything I've cooked has been fairly quick and definitely easy. I can't afford to take loads of time cooking, with three kids, a husband, school work, house work, etc. Anyway, here is close-up of the dish. We were so anxious to sit down to eat that I dished the plates before thinking of taking a photo of the whole dish, hence the close-up of what was left. :)

Whole30 - Day 12: Turkey Curry Stuffed Poblano Peppers

I have to say that cooking is getting easier by the minute. Tonight we had turkey curry stuffed poblano peppers. They were a huge hit! I'm becoming more bold in my pursuit of ingredients. Spices are becoming central to my cooking and we're all enjoying our meals much more. I never realized how boring my meals were until now. It's refreshing in more ways than one. One thing I definitely want to avoid is eating my ingredients. You know, baking the chicken, steaming the veggies and throwing them on the plate with little thought to their seasonings, combinations, or presentation. I didn't start out this way 12 days ago. This is becoming more of a learning process. Here's the recipe:

Turkey Curry Stuffed Poblano Peppers

5 poblano peppers
2-3 Tbsp. olive oil
1 cup chopped onions
tops of peppers, chopped
20 oz. ground turkey
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. Thyme
1 Tbsp. curry powder (I’d love to use paste, but haven’t been able to find any)
½ cup coconut milk
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Boil a pot of water. Prepare peppers by cutting off tops and removing seeds. Once water is boiling, submerge the peppers and cook for 5 minutes. Remove and place in a bowl of ice water (blanching). Heat olive oil in large skillet, add onions and peppers and cook 2-3 minutes on med-high heat. Add turkey and spices, cooking until turkey is cooked through and spices are blended. Finally, pour coconut milk over the turkey and mix. Stuff each pepper equally and bake for 20 minutes.

Okay, the truth is I never measured anything. My usual M.O. is eyeballing everything. I sort of played with it until I loved it. I almost can’t get enough curry, so adjust it as you see fit. I can think of a gazillion different ways to change it up.

Whole30 - Day 10: Brussel Sprouts on a Date

Tonight's dinner was the best of the last ten days. Don't get me wrong, we've had some nice meals, but this one was truly exceptional. We marinated our steaks for a couple hours before throwing them on the grill. Cooked medium and they were to die for. I pared them with oven-roasted garlic sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts.

The brussel sprouts were incredible!

I sauteed onion in olive oil, tossed in the sprouts and dates, seasoned with a little salt and pepper to taste, and cooked until the sprouts were tender crisp. The last touch was some chopped walnuts. Delicious! It's one of my all-time favorite foods now.

Whole30 - Day 9: A Reason for Farmer's Market?

I bought a package of chicken thighs as the commissary and was very excited to roll it in coconut flour and spices...until I saw this. One fourth of the package was fat! They had folded the fat under and had the beautiful meat showing through the top of the package. Talk about irritating! I won't buy that again. It all got me to thinking about farmer's markets and fresh meats. I'm going to have to check out Eastern Market in Washington, DC. They are supposed to have incredible foods. It's gotta be better than this. I don't think I could put myself through this again.

Whole30 - Day 7: Breakfast is My Favorite Meal

Breakfast has become my favorite meal of the day. I think it's quickly becoming that was for my family too. I've been shaking up our boring breakfast routine with some different scrambles.

This has become the favorite...Cabbage and Hot Sausage Scramble.

I saute cabbage, onion, and fresh sliced garlic in coconut or olive oil, toss in my browned homemade hot sausage, pour in my eggs, and it's instant gratification! Arie loves this for breakfast!

Whole30 - Day 5: Chicken Enchilada

After the success of the coconut torillas, and with extra roasted chicken on hand, I decided to try my hand at an egg crepe. Again, it was super easy with my flat, round skillet. I just beat the egg, spread it around, and waited for the sides to spring loose before flipping and calling it good. I stuffed the egg with sauteed chicken, peppers, and onion, in cumin, salt, and black pepper. A little avocado and fresh tomatoes on the side and my mouth was happy. This was a meal I felt really good about. In addition to going to the gym on a more regular basis, the food has been tasting good and I'm not really noticing much of a sweet tooth today.

Whole30 - Day 3: Coconut Tortillas

Today is day 3 of my Whole30 and so far, so good. I've managed to avoid: grains, legumes, dairy, sugar, and alcohol. It's been a little bit of a challenge since I'm not using bread, rice, pasta, or potatoes. Initially, I struggled with how to take up space on my plate. It wasn't until I removed those things that I realized how central they had become to my meals. What in the world do you do for lunch without sandwich bread? Don't make sandwiches. Hm, that was a novel idea! I'm learning as I go.

Since my guys are accustomed to eating their food wrapped in bread or tortillas, I found a recipe for coconut tortillas and tried it out. It was the easiest thing in the world to make: coconut flour, baking powder, eggs, and water. Voila! I had a wrapper to hold the pulled chicken from last night. We wound up with seasoned pulled chicken, avocado, pear tomatoes, and raw salsa. It was pretty yummy. Here's a photo. Next time I will put spices in the tortilla mix to give it more flavor. Everyone seemed to like them, especially the carb-addicted kids. :)

Whole30 - Day 1: First Cup of Black Coffee

Coffee is one of those things that calms me. Historically, since Arie and I came back from our honeymoon thirteen years ago, we've been coffee drinkers. It truly wasn't until having coffee in Europe that we realized how good it could be. American coffee had always tasted like dirty dish water. We were hooked and have had at least one cup nearly daily ever since. We have spent many nights curled up watching a riveting movie, playing full-contact Risk, or reading a good book, all with our cup of joe. With these bits of knowledge then, one would understand that I'm a little attached to my daily grind. We even still drink from the same cups we bought on our honeymoon...awe.

So here I am, blogging this morning about my first cup of black coffee. To say I drank my coffee would be a bit of an overstatement. It was more like a sip, followed by wincing facial pain, over and over and over. Honestly, I didn't like it at all. Where was the long-held emotional connection? If I can't find an appreciation for it without cream and sugar, then I'm going to have to stop drinking it during the next month. I'm sorry coffee, no offense, but without the condiments you're just another cup of hot bitterness. :( I already miss you horribly, but I will not cave and put that stuff in my coffee for thirty days! It might wind up being one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I'm determined not to put sugar in my mouth for the "Whole30" days. :)

Paleo Primer: Time for a Cool Change

It’s been too long since I’ve written on my blog, but, “It’s time for a cool change.”  Since January 2, I’ve been slowly wading through the food in my house, taking stock of the contents of my fridge, pantry, and cabinets.  Nothing has been sacred – even my spices have been gone through with a fine tooth comb, meaning I have read every label to finally see exactly what I’m putting in my mouth.  I’m weary of consuming food that have high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, MSG, and host of other horrid additives that have been show to cause cancer in lab mice.  Why do I have to eat that way?  The short answer: I don’t and now, I won’t.

Here is my refrigerator door before I cleared out all the junk.   

 

Here is what it looked like after…

 

It was shocking to see what all I had in my fridge!  Make no mistake about it, my pantry was just as bad.  The spice cabinet was actually an after-thought, but turned out to have all sorts of sugar, MSG, and soy.  Now it too has had a makeover.

It feels really good to be committed to reclaiming my nutrition.  I’ve talked a good talk before, but walking the walk is another animal entirely.  Starting tomorrow, and for the next thirty days, I’m going to eradicate grains, dairy, and sugar from my menu.  It’s important to see what these things are doing to me, especially since auto-immunity is an issue in my family.  Over the next month, I will document not only what I eat, but any changes I experience in my body.  The goal is not weight loss (although that’ll be a bonus), but I will be weighing and taping my measurements tomorrow morning before putting the scale and tape measure away for the whole month.  I’ll make sure and post how it turns out.

Just so you know, I began this whole thing as a result of a nutrition challenge that was put out by our fitness center.  I will be following the Whole30 plan, which can be found on www.whole9life.com.