The Right Man

When I was a little girl I had a mental checklist of all the things I hoped for in a man, a husband. I dare say that most girls ponder this question. Commonly, I think the list begins with preferred hair and eye color. Focusing on the tangible for me was just an easy (and shallow) place to start. For the record, my dream man was supposed to have dark hair and blue eyes and in many ways resembled Clark Gable.

It's sad to say that I think the picture in my head of the perfect man was drawn from many a Hollywood character or actor. My dream man would serenade me like Bing Crosby, dance like Fred Astaire, be passionate and soulful like Elvis, be highly educated and a lover of languages, have the ability to fix anything, adore children, be a crime fighter, and generally leap tall buildings in a single bound. This was not an exhaustive list by any means, but you get the idea.

As I moved into my 20's I thought the love of my life was required to sweep me off my feet. I longed for sweetness, romance, and spontaneity. Visions of dancing the night away filled my head. My knight-in-shining-armor would be a renaissance man who would fill my days and nights with meaningful conversation, culture, and playful banter. In short, he would light up a room when he walked in and therefore, my life. Of course, everyone would be drawn to him, but he would reserve himself for me alone.

We recently watched a movie in which a young girl fell in love with a man who very much fit my youthful description of the perfect man. The whole thing seemed very romantic until toward the end when it was discovered that he had been deceptive all along and suddenly left her. All the charisma in the world can't take the place of a man who will be there for you through all the ups and downs in wedding vows and life.

I've now been married twelve years. My husband fulfilled the dark-haired requirement of my youth, but that is nearly the extent of the similarities between my fantasy and real life. He is a good dancer and has wonderful rhythm. Though I'm rarely blessed to hear him, he also has a nice singing voice. He can fix pretty much anything, but can't really clear the ground more than a couple feet in a single bound. What I've learned in our twelve years is that the things I hoped for as a girl couldn't hold a candle to the qualities I've been blessed with in my husband.

He goes to work every morning and comes home every night. I could set my watch by his punctuality. He is dependable and true. Not once have I ever worried, even as I knew he might be faced with temptations in foreign lands during deployments, that he would ever be unfaithful. His commitment to me and our family is solid and he provides a wonderful example for other sailors and men in general.

He anticipates our needs and seems to think of everything I don't. Our brains are simply wired differently. Because we view the world from our two different angles, which are often so opposite one another, we tend to have all the bases covered. It's like doing the sack race with someone who is completely in step with you, allowing you to run to the finish line. We compliment each other.

For many years I had difficulty appreciating his reservedness. Being an extrovert made it hard for me to understand. If I ever thought it was weakness, he has proven me wrong as he has stood in the gap and shored me up during our greatest challenges. When I've needed him, he's been there. He may be a man of few words on most occasions, but when he speaks I have found it important to listen to his wisdom.

Anytime I have struggled spiritually it has been my husband who has brought me back. When church was the last place I wanted to be, he made sure I was there. He lifted up my countenance and set my eyes upon the heavenly places.

He's not the polished renaissance man I dreamed of in my youth, and thank God for that. If he were "Mr. Charisma," he would likely be focused more on pleasing everyone around him instead of living for his family and making us his number one priority. God knew what I needed even as I tried desperately to manufacture my own future. He knew my husband's heart and prepared him just for me. Thankfully, I have found that my dream is further surpassed every year by reality. Ultimately, I found that when I got out of the way, the unexpected happened - the right man was there all along - waiting for me. He will never be perfect (nor will I), but he's perfect for me.