The Day I Thought Would Never Come

Let me share a brief story...

I was married in January 1999 and much to our surprise quickly became pregnant. Now I know what you're thinking, but it was truly a surprise because I have PCOS and hadn't had a cycle in the seven months before I became pregnant. We had our beautiful little boy nine years ago.

When our son was 2.5 years old, we began trying to have another baby. More than five years later, using Clomid, we finally became pregnant. At that time, I was beginning to lose hope that our family would ever grow. We were elated of course and it was strange to be pregnant again after so many years.

At 3.5 months into my pregnancy, I went for an appointment. I told my doctor, "It's weird how I don't even feel pregnant." I just thought I was having a great pregnancy experience. Little did I know at the time that my doctor was horrified to hear those words. She immediately began looking for a heartbeat that was nowhere to be found. My baby had died two weeks before, but my body never went through the symptoms of a miscarriage. I was heartbroken to see that my baby's arms and legs had begun to disappear.

Six days later I had to have surgery, a D&C, because my body was not doing its job. In that week, I was an emotional ball of mush. I was so close after so long! I didn't understand. During this time, I listened to the song, "Praise You in This Storm" and my eyes were opened. I realized I couldn't praise God when times were good and curse Him when they were bad. I cried out to Him and through tears that still gripped me, I thanked Him, even though I couldn't understand why. I purposed at that moment to accept God's plan for my life even if it didn't include more children. I prayed that my heart would be changed, my desire taken away - and God answered. My desire completely went away. I even began to think of all the blessings of NOT having more children! I also prayed that God would bring back my desire in His timing.

Fourteen months later, I'm very happy with my life. I have lost 60 pounds and found another calling for my life that includes my own fitness as well as reaching out to others in encouragement. I truly believe that if I can do it, anyone can do it!

In October, my heart began to change and I began thinking of children again. I wondered about God's timing. I was guarded, but one month later decided to try again using Clomid. Now here I am, PREGNANT! I'm almost in disbelief, mostly that my heart turned, even though I know with God all things are possible.

All of my ups and downs, tears, joys, triumphs, and failures - I realize that these are things that have been necessary to make me the person I am. I hope they have made the person who will be best suited to be a Mama to this baby.

If I hadn't lost these 60 pounds, I can't imagine what kind of mom I would be. I'm so thankful to have taken this journey. It truly has been a journey to a new life, both figuratively and literally. I have to use this opportunity to praise God! With Him all things are possible!

(If you are reading this and going through a difficult time, I encourage you to listen to the song, "Praise You in This Storm.")

Sharing a Legacy of Hope and Perseverance

Today was a beautiful and inspiring day, none of which would have been possible had I not wrestled with my food and exercise demon and come out victorious - had I not come out believing in myself. This moment is brought to you by Spark People and one life changed...no, make that two.

The Marine Corps sponsored a Toys for Tots 5K today on Yokosuka Naval Base. My whole family decided to run it together. The entry fee was a new unwrapped toy for every participant. So, first, we went shopping before heading to the starting line. There were lessons to be learned, but not among the toys.

The horn blew and we started at a good clip, with my son jogging easily and setting a good pace. It wasn't long before he was ready to slow a little, then not much after that when he was ready to quit altogether. He had brought a lime green bandanna to wear around his neck but had taken it off. As he was about to give up, I took the bandanna from him and grasped one end tightly. Handing him the other end, I said, "Come on, I won't let go...we can do it together every step of the way." I wanted so desperately for him to overcome all that held him back and simply persevere.

I spoke to him of children who would benefit from this thing we were doing and of those who walk more than 5 kilometers just to get a drink of dirty water. We spoke of Mt. Fuji and other challenges that life ahead still holds. I pulled and pushed him. I cheered him. I empathized with him. I shared bits and pieces of life wisdom with him. This is not the first time I've told him I believe in him . . ."You CAN do it!" Even still, today was different. Today was that opportunity for him to rise above something bigger than himself and not just to call himself a conqueror, but to feel it in his spirit.

During the last leg, as we could see the finish line, I was giving him a pep talk. I wish I could recall the exact thing I said to him at that moment, but I'll never forget his response..."Yeah, just like YOU believe in me." At that moment, my heart swelled with love and hope - hope that he will embrace those words and grow to be confident, not fearing life's challenges. He confirmed that he truly listens to me and believes me when I've said, "I believe in you."

As we neared the finish line, he told me he was ready to sprint. He let go of the green bandanna we had carried together for the last 3 miles and we sprinted together to the finish line. During the whole race, he never once stopped moving forward. He had his ups and downs, but he never quit and as we crossed that finish line side-by-side, he became a little more of the adult I will someday know him to be.

After grabbing some water and finding my husband, we stood together to listen to the race results. My soft-hearted eight-year-old son said to me, "That was the hardest thing I've ever done - I'm glad I did it." In that moment, I learned the most beautiful truth . . . today he came to believe in himself.

Overcoming Me

One day my soul woke up - and it was fat! It didn’t happen overnight. I wasn’t always fat. I had spent the last eleven years eating emotionally. It started with my husband’s death. We had been newlyweds. Emotional eating stayed with me long after my wounds began to heal and even after I remarried. It had become a habit. I had a clue that I was hurting myself, but I felt powerless to overcome it. Food held control over my life, but I was ready to live differently. There was a glimmer of hope that my life could be different. Then Spark People showed up with a soft knock and an invitation, “Can Audri come out and play?” This began a journey of self-discovery I never could have imagined. See, I didn’t realize my personality and my future were being slowly buried!

Spark People helped me realize for the first time that to be successful I had to make some serious changes. It wasn’t enough to make a New Year’s resolution and hope for the best. I had to truly commit myself to being different, but first I had to believe it was possible. There were some things I knew to be true, so that is where I began. I knew I had not always been fat. I knew others had overcome even greater weight obstacles than mine. Mostly, I knew that through my faith, I could lean on a very special promise – “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me,” Philippians 4:13, if this is something God is bringing me to. After acknowledging these things, I felt prepared to commit myself to whatever it took to conquer myself. Within a week, I came to understand there were four strategies I would need to use to set myself up for success.

First, I had to honestly assess my battle with food. My “if they don’t see me eat it, it doesn’t count” attitude had to go! Using the nutrition tracker, I took a close look at my food choices, and my eyes were opened! Over time, I chose to eliminate caffeine, table salt, alcohol, sodas, and excessively high-fat, high-calorie foods from my nutrition plan. Some were harder to let go than others, but one by one they fell by the wayside in exchange for healthier options.

Second, I had to stop hiding my struggle. Those who loved me had known all along anyway – my size 18 wasn’t a good disguise. I was only fooling myself. I realized I had fallen into a habit of secretly losing a little weight with the hope that others would notice. When the loss wasn’t noticed, I would become discouraged and eventually quit. I decided to try a different approach and bring my family and friends into the program with me. This way, I was encouraged and held accountable. Eventually, I joined a team and even started one of my own.

Third, I had to have goals to work toward. I set concrete short, medium, and long-range goals based on my interests. Some I knew were attainable, like doing cardio four days each week. Some were a stretch for me, but also attainable with hard work, like climbing Mt. Fuji. I needed to have something on the horizon to aim at, a target. It was important to have it close enough that I could focus on it, unlike looking at my overall weight loss goal. If I had begun by focusing on losing the whole 70 pounds, I would have become overwhelmed and possibly quit.

Fourth, I set a concrete plan in motion to help me succeed. I wrote out my plan on my Spark Page to keep myself accountable. This included making my nutrition and fitness trackers public, so others could see what I was tracking. I devoted myself to following my plan, even on the days when I wanted to quit. I determined there were only two choices: to quit or keep going – and quitting wasn’t an option.

Along the way, a funny thing happened. I found myself! Each honest step I took loosened the control food had on me. Once I began to see the fruits of my labor I realized that I could have done it all along. I had been making excuses and giving away my freedom to choose a better life. Through overcoming the old me, I realized that my personality had been stifled. I wasn’t energetic enough to be on the outside the person I was on the inside. Now, I have a zeal that was lost for years. I am alive! I’ve even tackled new physical challenges and along the way come to think of myself as an athlete. That’s amazing to me!

Perhaps the greatest consequence of my weight loss (59 lbs. to date) is that I have the ability to speak into the lives of others in a meaningful way. I never thought I would see the day when others would call me an inspiration. Living as a fat person enabled me to relate to the “fat struggle.” I guess those eleven fat years weren’t completely wasted after all.

Don't Wish Me Luck!

A couple people have recently said these words to me, “Wish me luck.” It got me thinking about luck and what it means. The dictionary says luck is “advantage or success considered the result of chance.” Do we really want our weight loss to rely on chance?

For years my weight loss and health were left to chance. Chance is defined in part as the absence of any cause of events that can be predicted, understood, or controlled. In short, I was not controlling my weight loss efforts through a means that was clear and understandable and could predict my success. This set me up for failure. Without proper planning and execution, losing weight will be an elusive goal.

I’ve taken two trips across the country and each time took planning. I spent a significant amount of time preparing – finding the right map, searching for hotels, investigating points of interest, etc. I made phone calls for some reservations. I cleaned out my car and made sure I had jumper cables. I checked to make sure I had my insurance card in the glove box. I called family and friends to coordinate visit dates and times. The time spent preparing was invaluable, though not fully realized until I was in the midst of my travels.

In spite of planning, I inevitably hit some snags, especially during my first trip. Here are a few of my “snags”: getting lost, flat tire, sold-out hotels, car damaged by flying debris, lost a/c, caught in torrential rains, caught in a sandstorm, 3rd-degree burn on foot. In spite of my meticulous planning, I realized two things. First, I hadn’t thought of everything, like having a spare tire. Second, even my good planning couldn’t overcome some of the situations I encountered, like losing my a/c in the middle of summer in Texas. For those, I just had to rely on my patience and quick thinking to get me through. Yes, this was a memorable trip, to say the least, but what does it have to do with losing weight? Everything!

Assume the story above was about my weight loss journey. This is what it would look like. I spent a significant amount of time preparing for my weight loss – finding the right program (Spark People), searching for healthier food and recipes, and investigating fitness options to find the one I liked the most and would stick with. I bought a digital food scale and rid my house of high-calorie and fat-laden foods. I created a vision collage to increase my focus. I bought some exercise DVDs, one set of 2-pound weights and a stability ball. I enlisted the support of my mom and a close friend, Ashley. I developed short-range, medium-range, and long-term goals – something to really strive for.

My time spent preparing was invaluable, though I didn’t realize initially how much it would help me. In spite of my planning, I inevitably hit some snags. Here are a few of my “snags”: potlucks, dining out, people pushing fattening food on me, visiting houseguests, bad weather, meetings, injury, illness, fatigue. The list could go on. In spite of my planning, I realized two things. First, I hadn’t thought of everything, like how to cope with people who would try to sabotage my plan. Second, even my good planning couldn’t keep me from becoming fatigued, injured, or sick – although good health and planning can often keep those things at bay, not always. For those unplanned times, I had to rely on my good habits, tact, patience, and quick thinking. Yes, this has been a memorable and successful trip so far!

I understand what people mean with they say, “Wish me luck.” They are looking for support and encouragement. They are afraid of not succeeding and want to hear, “You can do it!” They want us to hope along with them for something better - a change – freedom from the weight that has held them back for years. I hope and long for each and every person to experience this freedom. Once I finally tasted it myself, I realized how much the weight was holding me back from experiencing life.

With all these things said, I have come to a conclusion. I will not wish you luck, leaving your future to chance. I wish you SUCCESS – the kind of predictable success that comes from setting goals, proper planning, and execution. You are worth it. You are able. You can do it!

On Top of the World - My Experience Climbing Mt. Fuji

My goal of climbing Mt. Fuji came about quite by accident. Actually, it's my son's fault. While creating my vision collage, he stumbled upon a photo of Mt. Fuji. I thought it would make a great center photo since it was large. As my collage took shape around the photo, it occurred to me that I could make climbing that mountain my goal. Voila! I had my first lofty, long-term goal. At least it seemed pretty long-term at the time.

Just after making my collage, I met a woman on eBay. She was selling some workout DVDs, which I purchased from her. In the process of communicating with her over the purchase, we found some common ground and began e-mailing one another on a regular basis. It is this woman, my newfound friend, who took a leap of faith six months later and flew halfway around the world to climb a mountain with me.

Three days after meeting in person for the first time, we headed out at 12:30 a.m. to catch our bus for Hakone National Park, where Fuji is located. We drove an hour, caught our bus, and rode another three hours to get to our starting point. With walking sticks in hand, we headed out on an adventure that would strengthen the bonds of friendship. Within minutes the rain came.

The path began easily enough. Our bus had dropped us off at station 5 and before long, we were greeted with a nice view, looking down on the clouds. We walked along on flat ground, talking about our strategy for pacing ourselves. Soon enough, the terrain began to change. During our 6-hour and 15-minute ascent, we zigged and zagged upward. We climbed stairs. We climbed steep boulders. We climbed in loose gravel. Occasionally, we stopped for electrolyte water or organic energy bars or to simply take a short rest. The rests got longer and more frequent the closer we got to the top, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

As we ascended, we passed a variety of people going both ways. One Japanese man even had a toddler on his back. I couldn't help but wonder if he had made it to the top. In retrospect, I don't think he did, but at the time I marveled at his accomplishment.

About 20 minutes into our climb, I asked my friend to pray with me. I gave the climb to God. I asked him to give us the strength to climb this literal mountain, as well as for protection. My friend and I spoke briefly about believing in angels. She felt she had received confirmation of a guardian angel just before we got on the bus. After our prayer, my step quickened. I felt a burst of energy propelling me forward. At that moment, I was more sure than ever that the mountain was already conquered, though my body slowed, my head certainly kept up the mental momentum!

We stopped at every mountain hut to have our walking sticks branded with a unique design. With each stamp, I grew more determined. Inevitably, we would stumble across people from our bus and we'd have a brief exchange. Several times we exchanged "ganbatte" with Japanese people. This word means "do your best" or "go for it."

There are ten stations on Fuji, with the tenth at the top. Around the 8th station, my hands began to get really cold and one of my fingers had turned yellow - a symptom of my Reynaud's Syndrome. I worked to get my circulation back, then put on my gloves and kept trucking. Around this time, we rounded the corner of one of the mountain huts and came face-to-face with a steep wall of rocks. My first reaction was, "YES! Let's do this thing!" In fact, this was a scenario that replayed itself numerous times. Each time, I had a similar "oh yeah!" reaction. It was my own way of cheering myself along. It worked for me.

Somewhere about halfway to station 9 I began to experience some altitude sickness. At first, I only felt slightly dizzy. Obviously, the dizziness only got worse the higher I moved. Within about 30 minutes, I also felt nauseous. We stopped, drank, and ate, then began again. We moved more slowly. Though my friend was not experiencing the same effects, she was an amazing support throughout this process. Together, we worked through it taking five steps while breathing deeply, then stopping for two deep breaths. Eventually, I did begin to feel better and our pace quickened somewhat.

For the last 1.5 hours or so, the wind and rain picked up. A storm was rolling in. At times, the wind was so harsh that we had to brace ourselves against our walking sticks and lean heavily into the wind to keep from being blown over. Just when I thought the climb was never-ending, we ascended the last flight of stairs, passing under a red, Shinto tori gate. We had arrived!

We stood in line to have our walking stick stamped with two special red stamps, then stepped out to find the crater. The wind was blowing so hard and fog was covering the crater. It had become dangerous and we were told not to go to the crater. We could not have seen it anyway. We planned to travel around the edge for however much time we had left, but ultimately could not for safety reasons. It was hard to come all that way and not see the crater and the view around Fuji.

After making a quick bathroom break, which was really a squatter, we bought some fresh, dry gloves, took some pictures at the pillar monument, and decided to head down.

Compared to the ascent, the descent was only 2 hours 45 minutes. It was also zig-zagged, though the terrain never changed. It was loose lava, pea-sized gravel. My toes pushed into the toe of my boots. Over time, my big toes became quite sore. In the end, I finished the descent with one cracked toenail and a blister between two toes. Not bad, I think.

During the hike down, I realized we were surrounded by some beautiful plants. They were so lime green that they almost appeared to glow. The rocks were lovely as well - a rainbow of colors, but mostly red and turquoise.

There was one truly inspiring story I saw unfolding on that mountain. On the descent, we passed a young Japanese girl moving very slowly while her family encouraged her. This girl had one foot that was inverted, like a club foot - yet she made it up that mountain! My friend and I wanted to cry. It made all our obstacles pale in comparison.

Once down the mountain, we stopped for something to eat and did a little souvenir shopping. I had an "American dog," a.k.a. corn dog. It was much different from a true American corn dog, but I was thankful for it. Finally, I stopped at the post office to mail a few postcards before heading back to the bus.

I slept awhile on the ride back to base and woke up just as they were playing a video - "Touching the Void." It's a documentary about the perilous and near-fatal climb of two friends. It was an appropriate topic and made me wonder if I could ever do the kind of climbing required to scale a 20,000-foot mountain. I'm not convinced that's an undertaking for me, but I won't rule it out. Like Confucius said, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This was my single step. I'm just not sure yet where the journey will lead. I'm excited to find out!

Climbing Molehills and Mountains

When I was little, I recall my mom saying on more than one occasion," don't make a mountain out of a molehill." She was teaching me to assess a situation honestly, not exaggerating the intensity of the problem.

I believe this attitude has helped me conquer many obstacles in life. Some of them have truly been "molehills," while others have been mountains. My molehills and mountains have consisted of things like moving around the world every three years, deployments, family illnesses, college, miscarriage, molestation at 12, and widowhood at 23.

On August 23, I climbed Mt. Fuji. It was the most physically difficult thing I've ever done in my life. At times I felt my body wouldn't make it. I was pushed to what I thought was the limit of my capabilities, and yet I conquered that 12,388-foot mountain! Though the altitude, wind, rain, and cold took a toll on me physically, mentally those obstacles had become molehills to me. I had given myself no other option than to see the top of that mountain!

If I had stopped years ago and applied this logic and tenacity to my obesity, I imagine I would have conquered that sooner as well. I was perfectly capable of literally climbing a mountain. The problem was that I had turned my weight into a figurative mountain so much larger-than-life, that my mind could not overcome it. Now, I realize that it was my mind preventing me from succeeding at my weight loss, not physical limitations. Turning molehills into mountains helped me defeat myself before I even got started!

So, today is a celebration - a celebration of overcoming great obstacles! I glow with joy for reaching the top of my literal mountain. Mostly though, I glow from the realization that somewhere deep inside me is the strength and fortitude to overcome obstacles both large and small. See, the important lesson my mom taught me is not to determine which is a mountain and which is a molehill, but that I can conquer them all.

The Architect or the Wrecking Ball?

I was thinking today about the who's, what's, when's, where's, why's and how's of life. Others think on these as well and they can either make or break your success, not only in your journey to greater health, but in life in general. It all comes back to the question of our internal dialogue, that is, what we say to ourselves. Are we our greatest fan - a veritable built-in pep squad, or are we our greatest disappointment - undermining our intentions with hateful talk we would never perpetrate on others?

Maybe you already know which you are - the architect or the wrecking ball. Then again, maybe you don't. If not, see which of these questions most resembles your attitude.

Look out! Here comes the wrecking ball!

Who even cares if I lose weight or not?
What difference is it going to make?
Where is my motivation going to come from? I don't have any!
When am I going to find the time to eat healthy and exercise?
Why do I bother? I'm never going to lose weight. I'm a yo-yo!
How am I going to get the weight off? I'm too far gone!

Now, here's the architect!

Who is going to be positively affected by my healthy lifestyle?
What changes do I need to make to be successful?
Where can I turn to for support when I need it?
When I stumble, are my coping strategies strong enough to help?
Why is it important for me to change my life?
How am I going to feel when I reach my goals?

So, which one are you - the architect or the wrecking ball? Today is the day to figure it out and take some positive steps to turn your attitude around!

Reasons or Excuses?

Excuses, excuses. Some people thrive on making them. In fact, often we spend more time honing our excuses than the time it would take to actually do something productive. Why do we waste this perfectly good time? How much of life have we missed out on as a result?

Many of our failures in life are related to fear. Fear fosters a failure to act, which means automatic failure. So, in order to get where we want to go and overcome this failure to act, we have to understand what is motivating our fear. Is it fear of failure? Fear of embarrassment? Fear of sub-par performance? Fear of injury? Fear of judgment? The list goes on. To move forward to greater health, adventure, and success, we must identify the fear that is fueling our inactivity. We all have likely personified one or more of the fears listed above at various points in our lives. But how do we know when we are being ruled by fear? It's my conclusion that fear often manifests itself as excuses.

Excuses are a powerful symptom of fear and differ from reasons. Reason is defined (in part) as sound judgment or good sense; to think through logically. By contrast, excuse is defined (in part) as a pretext or subterfuge. Subterfuge is evading a rule, escaping a consequence, or "dodging." So, here is the real question. Are we using excuses or "dodging" those things that would get us active and healthy or are our excuses truly legitimate reasons.

Today is the day to determine once and for if our fears are what stand in our way of reaching our goals. There's no better day than today to stop undermining our own success. It's time to sweep away the lingering excuses and push forward toward the prize! Like Mom said when I was a kid, "Can't never did!"

Visualizing and Verbalizing Goals

The difference between and dream and a goal is a plan. Dr. Phil McGraw recently spoke these words and they are so true. It got me thinking about how much my life has changed since I did my collage.

Verbalizing and visualizing my goals were the first steps in formulating my plan. Until I was faced with those two tasks, I couldn't have really told you what my goals were, much less what plan I had to get there.

It's like writing a good outline for a paper before you sit down to write the paper itself. In fact, it's like anything in life. You don't start painting without planning for the tools you'll need. You don't go out to play baseball without a ball, bat, and glove. So why do we more often than not treat our most intimate goals with less than that type of forethought? Just like writing, painting, or playing baseball, without that planning and forethought, we are destined to fall short of our goals or even fail to get started in the first place. We become dreamers instead, hoping for a change, but with no real direction.

I'm so thankful to have learned that lesson through Spark People. Because of it, I've been able to strive toward my goals in a way that would not have been possible before. Before, my goal was some arbitrary number on a scale. Imagine running a cross-country race when you don't know the path and can't find the finish line. Talk about confusion and frustration! Where would you even begin? That's where I was.

Thanks to Spark People, I'm visualizing and verbalizing my goals...developing a plan...and supporting me along the way!

My Flock Begins at Home

Today's healthy reflection called us to think about leading a successful flock. Who is my flock? In a nutshell, my flock is anyone who looks to me for love, support, guidance, mentoring, friendship, encouragement, or inspiration. So, who does this consist of?

The first of my flock is my son. My adorable 8.5-year-old little man who is soaking up lessons like a sponge. I can't always tell which ones he's internalizing, but I'm hopeful they're the healthy ones. Certainly, he's learning my bad habits along the way as well. That is why I'm working diligently to rid my life of said nasty habits. Oh, there is the standard talking with your mouth full, saying "excuse me" when you burp, those kinds of things, but the nasty habits I'm referring to are the more insidious ones. I'm talking about making unhealthy choices regarding nutrition and exercise that can and do lay waste to one's energy, self-esteem, and control - in essence to the whole body and mind. It occurs to me that one might not realize the true weight of the insidious nature of these bad choices. The dictionary refers to insidious as "operating or proceeding in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect" or "beguiling but harmful; alluring." This perfectly describes what I did to my body for years. Everyone has to eat - it's food for the body. Food was my lure. I was an emotional eater and couldn't see how the choices I made were setting me up for future weight problems. I let myself use food as a crutch for all my ailments, mostly emotional. I just couldn't find a way of mimicking the joy I had when eating that Almond Joy or whatever happened to be in my hand at that moment.

Fast forward . . .
Now I am a mom to this wonderfully complex, fun-loving, warm, and EMOTIONAL 8.5-year-old boy. Am I looking at myself in the mirror? It's only been the last six months that I've finally come to understand the following about myself and food:
* My personality contributed to my being an emotional eater.
* I was using food to fill in the holes in my soul, not just the ones in my stomach.
* Our culture revolves socially around food.
* To overcome my attachment to food as anything other than sustenance I have to be introspective - knowing when and why I make the choice to turn to food even when I'm not hungry.
* I could make all the excuses in the world, but my life would not change until I acknowledged my relationships with both food and people and made a firm commitment to healthy change.
* I have the free will to choose. The decision is all mine and it's all about choices!

So, how much of my unhealthy habits have I spent the last 8 years teaching my son? I know the ones I've modeled and at times they've been pretty unhealthy. It is my sincere hope that the last 6 months have begun to instill in him the foundation for a healthy future. Don't get me wrong. I don't feel that I've ruined him. I'm not ready to brand myself as a terrible mom. It's just that I'm more prepared now to lead him in a direction he should go . . . following the road paved with healthy choices and healthful living! And just think, he's only one of the people in my flock! Boy, do I have my work cut out! :)

The Necessity of Being and Having a Friend

Having a good friend can make all the difference during the ups and downs of life. The good friend may be a spouse, neighbor, co-worker or any number of other people. It never ceases to amaze me how friendships form from the most unlikely circumstances.

Friends serve all sorts of purposes in our lives. They are there for us when we're sick, sad, celebrating, bored, or just need a babysitter for the night. The list of times that we call on friends is endless. If we are a good friend in return, the same should be said of us.

Many people have heard it said that friends are friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Friendships truly are blessings - all of them, even the ones that end. Without even the failed friendships, we would have missed opportunities to grow. Sometimes we love, sometimes we're loved, but we always grow through even the most challenging of friendships. So, what are reason, season, and lifetime friends all about?

A lifetime friend is the one most people long to have - at least I do. This person is the one you can call any time of the day or night and they don't hang up on you. :) You will literally spend your entire life knowing, loving, and staying connected with this person. You may know their family. They may spend holidays with your family. The ways you are connected seem endless.

Reason friends are those who come into your life for a specific reason. Normally, they will meet a certain need you have in your life. This may be someone you think of more as an acquaintance. You might be on a board or committee with this person or engaged in a common goal for a short period of time. They may be someone who is supporting you through a momentarily difficult time.

You may meet someone on the (Spark People) boards who is a reason friend. They are there for you to answer a difficult question you need help with. They give their time and their brain to your situation, offering compassion and guidance. You and they are not intended to be lifelong friends, but to serve a purpose for each other.

A season friend is someone who comes into your life for a longer period of time and in some way helps you to grow through a season of your life. This may be a spiritual mentor. It will be someone with whom you share, learn from, and grow. Some of life's sweetest or most philosophical moments can come from this type of friendship.

You may also meet a season friend through one of the spark teams. You will be joined together with this person, working toward a common goal. Each of you has a need for the other. One may provide and the other receives, or it may be an equal partnership of support. Either way, you are there for each other during a very difficult time of your life - changing your eating habits and growing healthy. This person may bear witness to some very painful moments as you come to understand the root of your weight struggles. You may be the shoulder your season friend needs to get them through a difficult spot. Together you may spend time laughing, crying, learning, growing, or even commiserating. You are truly present for that person and them for you.

In the end, both a reason and a season friendship will come to an end. Embrace them while they're there and when it's time, let them go without regret. They have served their purpose - and you yours.

Through Spark People, we encounter these types of friends every day. What an amazing opportunity to change lives, ours and others as well. We don't have to put pressure on ourselves or others to be more than we are supposed to be. Reach out, giving of yourself as you have to give. When you need to, seek others to receive from them the blessings they have to offer you. In the end, we're all better off for having known one another, even if it's only for one post's worth of time!

Where Does Happiness Come From?

I used to search for happiness. Everywhere I looked left me empty. At this point in my life, I can say I am truly happy. What changed? I invited God into my life. What a fundamental change!

Even after finding peace with God, I used to think at times that I would be happy in spite of the difficulties in my life. Now I've come to think of those difficulties in an entirely new light. I can embrace them, being happy through them, not in spite of them. I don't have to rush through them to get to the happiness on the other side. Today I soak up the opportunities to learn and grow along the way.

Happiness is a state of mind. The difference for me is that now my mind is set on God's perception of my life - not my own.

Drag Slows a Body Down

In my previous post about learning to swim, I noted that I learned how to flow through the water straighter by looking at the stripe on the bottom of the pool instead of trying to look forward. It occurs to me that this is a great metaphor for reaching one's life goals.

When swimming, trying to look forward to the end of the pool instead of looking down has two consequences. First, the act of raising your head to look forward causes your legs to drop down in the water, making you slightly more vertical than horizontal. Second, the new leg position creates drag, which slows you down. (This gives whole new meaning to another phrase I heard as a kid . . . "stop dragging your feet.")

Apply this to life. Looking forward, instead of focusing on the tasks at hand changes our focus from the present to the future. The act of changing that focus has a dual effect. First, we stop paying attention to what we're doing. Then, our change of focus makes us slow down in the race to reach our goals.

What if we just put our heads in the game, and stay focused on that "line on the bottom of the pool?" What would happen? I mean, those lines on the bottom of the pool ARE there for a reason, right? Yes! I think what would happen is three-fold.
1. We would stay on the right path - not straying from our goals.
2. In spite of not seeing the end of that line (since we aren't looking up) we would still know when we get to the end of the lane. We know because our line ends, bringing us to the end of our goal.
3. We would ultimately get there quicker.

Identification is the first step toward change. So are we slowing ourselves down? How are we sabotaging our own goals by creating "drag" in our lives?

Boldly Going Where I've Never Gone Before

Yesterday marked a milestone in my life; one I thought I'd never reach. After 36 years, I finally made the decision to learn to swim - really swim. I've watched others do it correctly and was always impressed with how smoothly and confidently they moved through the water. Each time I would think, "Wow, I wish I could do that!"

Since I was a little girl I've had a healthy respect for water. Okay, I'll call a spade a spade, it was really a fear. I was afraid of drowning. Sometimes I was just afraid of getting water up my nose and experiencing that annoying burning sensation. I let these things intimidate me into not trying. Oh, I would get in the water and even swim a pretty good sidestroke, but I could not put my head under without holding my nose and closing my eyes or using goggles.

Something came over me yesterday, so I approached a lifeguard at our pool, asked a few questions, and got a few answers. The journey had begun. If there is one thing I've learned through Spark People it's that armed with information, anyone can turn their life around. So, with this new information and the guidance of a lifeguard on her break, I threw myself into the pool and into learning this life skill.

With a little practice and boldness, I was able to overcome my previous anxieties and learn a variety of new skills.
1. How to hold a breath and submerge without water going up my nose - and without blowing bubbles.
2. How to flow through the water straighter by looking at the stripe on the bottom of the pool instead of trying to look forward.
3. How to breathe to the side while doing a freestyle swim.

Those may not sound like grand milestones to a comfortable swimmer. Rest assured they were huge for me. I practiced for the rest of our time at the pool and came away with a few other pieces of knowledge as well.
1. Even though I've not accomplished it by now doesn't mean I never will. I just have to apply myself.
2. Knowledge can break through many barriers, in swimming and in life.
3. Tackling something I am fearful of (and certain I'll never be able to do) and finding I am wrong creates courage and momentum to strive for other difficult goals.
4. Like my mom always said to me when I was young - "Can't never did!"
5. I have much more fun with my son at the pool as a result of being more comfortable in the water.

Though my journey with Spark People started out as a quest to lose weight, it has turned into so much more. So here I am, 36 years old and overcome with the feeling that a very large part of me just grew up. Did Spark People help me learn to swim? Not directly, but I can safely say that the feeling of accomplishment I've gained through losing 49 pounds (so far) has propelled me toward the search for other areas of my life where I've been selling myself short. I'm now on a quest to boldly go where I've never gone before. What's even better - I'm looking forward to the trip with excitement and wonder, instead of fear and trepidation.

Carpe Diem and the Circle of Good News

Carpe diem? So many things to do in this life, so little time. I don't want to waste a moment. For my body to keep the pace that my mind wants to set, I have to be conditioned, both in body and in mind. That leads me to the age-old question, what came first, the chicken or the egg?

It's like my circle. To stay on track, I have found that I have a circle that cannot be broken. I think of my circle as the "circle of good NEWS." The NEWS being: Nutrition, Exercise, Water, and Sleep. If any one of these things is missing from the circle, my cycle of good health begins to break down. My energy level tanks, I begin having cravings, and out pop all the old excuses for not doing "it," whatever "it" may be at that moment.

So, back to carpe diem. Without my circle of good news, I will struggle to embody carpe diem. With my circle intact, I am ready to seize that day! So, what's next on my list? Bring it on!

Poise in the Face of Frustration: My Challenge as a Parent

"Whether waiting to see a change on the scale, dealing with your coworkers, or diligently putting in work and feeling unappreciated, losing your patience is very easy to do. By exercising patience with all people, you are allowing them to become better and to learn on their own through gentle guidance. One healthy byproduct of self control in the face of frustration is that it usually leads to encouragement and enhancement of your relationships. Happy families and friendships thrive on patience and learning. It may take time to learn, but the results are well worth it!"

This reflection from Spark People today hit a nerve. I exercised with my son today using TaeBo. It was a stressful time. I would have liked for it be enjoyable, but it wasn't. He's 8 years-old and hasn't developed an ability to push through things that are difficult. When things get even slightly challenging for him, he loses his composure and becomes a heap of tears and anger. I have a very difficult time dealing with a person of that mentality - it is so contrary to mine. I was not compassionate toward him at all. His tears come so often that it's like the boy who cries wolf. I never know when it's serious versus when he's just having another meltdown. It's become so common a behavior for him that I have become hardened to it. I've tried to explain this to him, to no avail. But I digress.

He was not giving his best during our exercise. He was moving his arms floppy, barely moving his feet and his body language was one big complaint. It was beyond frustrating. I was angry. I don't expect perfection, not from him, not from anyone, not even myself. What I want is for him to give all of himself to whatever he does. And even with that, it almost seems too much to hope for.

When I was a kid, I recall my mom trying to get me engaged in work. I did everything in my power to get out of it. I made excuses, I sneaked out of the yard work and back into the house. I even recall my emotions. I too was very emotional as a kid. It seemed that tears were my answer for everything. When did that change? Hmm. When will it change for my son? How and when will he learn the coping skills, like I did, that have enabled me to be a very flexible, roll-with-the-punches kind of adult. Am I going to ruin him along the way by being too tough or expecting too much. Sigh . . . I have these and so many more questions. And I thought losing weight and getting healthy have been tough. I'm a mom . . . there's nothing tougher than that.

After today, I need to print this reflection and post it where I can "reflect" on it every time I'm faced with the challenge of helping my son face the challenges in his life.

The Way of Harmony - My First Karate Exam

It was my first karate exam. Where do I begin? The experience was nearly overwhelming. Maybe it was the fact that I was the only foreigner in the building, surrounded by hundreds of Japanese people, none of whom spoke English during the three-hour event. Talk about complete cultural immersion. It was scary, nerve-wracking, confusing, and yet amazing!

My last karate class had been nearly four weeks earlier because I was traveling. I had questions for my sensei, but with the language barrier, we had a difficult time communicating. In the end, he just said "daijobu," which means "it's okay." He was telling me not to worry. That was a tall order at the time when I was anxious to understand the process and do well. All of the commands were given in Japanese, most of which I did not understand. When the judge approached our group and gave information, I didn't get it. When the person calling out our movements spoke, I mostly had to rely on knowing which move came next, memorization, not understanding her command.

After much observation and intent focus, I took my test. I felt like all eyes were on me - the only American in the room. I felt a combination of anxiety and honor. I wanted to perform my kata beautifully and show the judges, my sensei, and everyone present that I value Wado-Ryu karate for what it is - the way of harmony. Of course, I wasn't feeling as harmonious inside as I should have been. I wanted to be confident, yet not arrogant. In the future, I will be more prepared now that I understand the process. It's not so foreign to me anymore.

The whole experience was awe-inspiring. I'm ready for the challenges that lie ahead. In fact, to help me better understand the way of karate, I've begun reading the autobiography of Gichin Funakoshi. Living in Japan has been an opportunity of a lifetime and now I'm learning a new side of Japanese culture. I've recently begun to understand how a person can dedicate an entire lifetime to the perfection of subtle movements. It is changing my focus, inspiring calmness and patience, and turning me into a more rounded person.

I look forward to the remaining time I have with Ohta sensei. In the beginning, it was about attaining a goal of a particular belt color. Now I'm just so happy to be molded by him, that the belt is of no consequence. It is a matter of perfecting my form. What a beautiful analogy for life in general. Now I must think about all the areas of my life where this can be applied, beginning with my walk with God.

Signed Up For My First 5K

I took a step closer to my goal today. While I was at the gym tonight, I signed up for my first 5K. I'm both excited and nervous. I can't wait to do it - and I can't believe I just said that! Wow, that's a first. I've never enjoyed running, but this about more than running. It's about setting a goal and achieving it.

There's so much to do in this life and so little time. I have begun the pruning process and am fine-tuning my life in order to be more productive. It feels great! (My finger hit that exclamation point key with purpose!) Tomorrow is another day and I need my beauty rest. As the song says, "so long self, I've found somebody else!" Tomorrow I'll continue getting to know this woman I've found. She's strange and new to me. :)

Where Am I Going?

Where am I going?

The baseball great, Yogi Berra, once said, "If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else." This is a theme I've been meditating on recently.

The path of least resistance always takes the easy way. For those of us on this journey to a healthy lifestyle, the easy way has not and will not work. There is no such thing as a quick fix. It's not just about losing weight, but about changing our lives. How will we do that if we don't know where we're going - if we don't have a plan?

For years, I didn't know where I was going. I let life take me wherever it would. My days slipped by, often unproductively, and turned into years. Before I knew it, I was 205 pounds and feeling hopeless, like my weight was beyond my control. My focus was on other things in life: getting married, having a baby, going to college. All these are beautiful life events - events I let overshadow my need for healthy living. I didn't have the knowledge back then to live healthy. I was putting my brain power into other things.

In the last ten years, I have learned a few things. Most recently, I have learned that if I don't choose a direction for my life, life will choose it for me. A wise person once said, "In the absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia." I've been performing those daily acts of trivia for far too long. The time for change has come!

I'm no longer satisfied with the status quo. Though it served its purpose for a season of my life, there is something more, some purposeful and meaningful I am being called to. All my life's experiences are calling out to me - "use me."

I know that God is calling on me to "prune" my life in order to be more productive. In two days, I will head to Tokyo for a symposium. For three days I will spend time focusing on the direction God has for me. Afterward, it is my sincere hope and prayer that He will give me the strength to cut out of my life whatever is obscuring my view of His goal, His will. I don't want to end up "someplace else." I want to be right where I'm supposed to be - doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Bring on the change!

Personal Tune Up

To keep a record of my history and attitude toward change is important to me.

Just like I have had a difficult time remembering to schedule oil changes or rotate my tires, I've also had a hard time reminding myself to take care of how my body runs. I've run out of my Synthroid and been off it for a month. I've neglected my nutrition and had long periods of exercise abstinence. It's over now. There are things I'm going to be doing on a regular basis to take better care of the body God has given me. I've already instituted some positive changes and others will come as I identify unhealthy habits.

Things I WILL do:

1. I WILL get consistent amounts of sleep.
2. I WILL have regular tests of my thyroid to ensure I'm on the right dose.
3. I WILL have my blood sugar and cholesterol tested tomorrow and on an annual basis.
4. I WILL take a multivitamin daily.
5. I WILL eat on purpose, making conscious decisions about what goes in my mouth.
6. I WILL do cardio exercise every day of the week except for Sunday.
7. I WILL do strength training 3 days per week, never two days in a row.
8. I WILL rest on Sundays - giving my day to God to glorify Him for the changes he's making in me.
9. I WILL spend at least 30 minutes, on nice days, outside getting sun.
10. I WILL maintain a schedule that leaves time for all of the above.
11. I WILL trust God.

It's all about choices. We must ask ourselves, "What is most important to me and what am I willing to do to see it happen?" What will you choose?

Things I WILL NOT do:

1. I will NOT allow myself to run out of my Synthroid prescription.
2. I will NOT allow others to derail my mission to get healthy.
3. I will NOT pretend that my decisions are the result of some mysterious force that I cannot control.
4. I will NOT make excuses to avoid healthy decisions.
5. I will NOT pass on unhealthy habits to my son.
6. I will NOT fail to lead the life God intends me to lead physically, mentally and spiritually.

Once we know what we ARE willing to do, and what we AREN'T willing to do, it's a matter of having the tenacity to stick to it. Are you willing to do that - to become tenacious?

These are words I hope will be accurate descriptions of me - of all of us:

Tenacious (persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired)

Determined (having reached a decision: firmly resolved)

Focused (to concentrate attention or effort)

Inspired (to fill or affect with a specific feeling or thought)

Faithful (strict or thorough in the performance of duty)

Honest (honorable in principles, intentions, and actions)

Finding My Short-Term Goal

All along I have had the general goal of losing weight, but it wasn't until recently that I finally decided on a short-term goal. When I've thought about short-term goals in the past, I haven't considered short-term being within a calendar year. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose from March to August is a fairly short amount of time.

So, after spending some time with my son working on my collage (picture on my front page) I concluded that climbing Mt. Fuji is going to be the short-term goal I will focus on. It is prominently displayed on my collage now and I look at it every day. It's good to be focused on that goal now. Finally, I have something to look forward to - a challenge to look forward to tackling!

Standing there on top of the highest mountain in Japan, the view will be amazing! I'm visualizing the breathtaking scene, the feel of my body, mind, and spirit as I take it all in. I can actually see myself standing there triumphant! I believe I will make it. Along with my husband, we will create a memory that will last a lifetime and cause a ripple effect that will carry us to the next great and healthy adventure of our lives. How exciting? I can't wait to get there. I've much work to do, but the stage has been set. Victory is at my fingertips!

Sand Storms, Star Wars, & Shark Fin Soup

Today's experiences were varied to be sure. After yesterday's dust and sandstorm, I spent the morning vacuuming up red sand, mainly from my kitchen. Wow, if it wouldn't have been so bad for my camera, I would've taken some pictures. The sky turned reddish brown as it was rolling in. The wind was horrible! I've since learned that the DSS (Dust and Sand Storm) phenomenon is a growing problem in Japan. The dust blows in from China and elsewhere. I woke up this morning having a horrible time breathing. After cleaning up the sand, we headed out to church, and then on to lunch with friends. (I'll leave out all the details in between...although church was inspiring and had a good message.) We headed back to our favorite restaurant in Chinatown. Thanks to the nice Japanese lady next to me, I learned a little more about their menu. Most notably, shark fin soup. I'm familiar with shark fin soup and have been outraged in the past about the collection of shark fins. Though I have felt morally opposed, I wanted to see what the rage is all about. Japanese people love this soup. I'm skipping to another paragraph because shark fin soup needs to be set apart, it was just that unique of an experience. The fin itself was not overly apparent in the bowl. In fact, when I scooped up a bite, it appeared to have some sort of rice noodles. Using chopsticks, I lifted an opaque clump from the broth. I studied it a bit and noted that the shape was consistent with a shark fin. This particular one was about two inches tall. That was a small shark. I could not bring myself to put the whole fin into my mouth, so I decided to break off a piece. What I found was that the fin was easily pulled into strings, similar to string cheese. What I thought had been rice noodles were actually strings of the fin. Upon trying my first bite, I concluded that the "shark noodles" had a texture similar to a very al dente noodle. It didn't have much taste. The broth contributed most of the flavor, which was mildly fishy. I feel as though I have a better understanding now of the draw for shark fin soup...though I must say I'll never have it again. It was interesting, but I'm mostly disappointed in myself for having this culinary experience. I will say this, I'll never try turtle soup. On a slightly happier note, Koen watched Star Wars today for the first time. After investigating which order is the optimal order to view them in, we opted to start with episode IV, the original movie. Some of the plot has already been spoiled though since he just finished reading the book for episode I. That's okay though, he's still hooked. I think he understands now why his friend Micah loves Star Wars. Now they'll have more to talk about. Overall it was a good day. The coming week is sure to be full of fun and adventure. We'll be going to a couple museums this week, which should be lots of fun. We're heading to the Anpanman Museum and the Ramen Museum. I'm looking forward to seeing what fun and adventure those have in store for us.

Chinese Go-Round (Kai Ten)

Okay, so we were back in Chinatown today. We joined several friends for lunch at a very interesting Chinese restaurant. I'm not sure if I've shared with everyone about the sushi-go-round restaurants here in Japan. These restaurants have small servings of sushi dishes that run on a conveyor belt around the restaurant. The belt passes in front of each seat, where each person then reaches and grabs a plate and digs in.

The restaurant cost 1260 yen for me and 630 yen for Koen. It was all you can eat. We were able to try about 10 different dishes, including: eggplant; dumplings filled with greens and onions; wontons filled with I don't know what; chicken with cashews, peppers, onions, celery and eggplant; and a coconut milk cake. That only barely scrapes the surface of the dishes they had to offer.

My husband is going to be in love! I can't wait to take him there. It'll be our first stop after he's back from deployment.

Chinese New Year in Yokohama, Japan

Chinese New Year
Current mood: excited
Category: Travel and Places

Last Friday, Koen and I headed to Chinatown with friends for the Chinese New Year celebration. Two words describe the festivities, loud and colorful. There were probably several thousand people lining the streets to watch the parade.

The parade included women dancing, people in festive costumes, and several lions doing the Chinese lion dance. All of this was followed up by a metal cage being pulled along by a Chinese man who occasionally tossed a large pack of firecrackers into the cage, which filled the air with incessant popping and smoke.

One of the costumes was of a large, tall, barrel-chested Chinese man. The character had a large plastic head with movable eyes the size of a grapefruit. Each time he would jump up and down, the eyes would blink just like a baby doll. He was quite rolly poly.

Without a doubt, the lion dance was the neatest part of the parade. The colors were vivid - red, pink, blue, silver, turquoise, yellow, gold, and black. Each lion weaved in and out of the crowd "pouncing" on innocent bystanders. Koen stood along the edge of the street as the lions appeared before us. He didn't so much as flinch, but was completely unmoved and stoic. The turquoise lion made its approach shaking its head slightly and rising menacingly into the air as if to intimidate Koen. Still, he was unshakable. Then it happened, the lion moved swiftly and enveloped Koen. It seemed to swallow him whole and just when I knew all was lost, Koen emerged victorious, having survived his "attacker." He was elated and now could claim some bragging rights (sort of). By the way, my friend Naoko says the lion's head coming down on you like this brings good luck.

Another highlight of the parade was seeing Po from Kung Fu Panda, and the two men in costumes below.  They seemed somehow celestial.  Their faces were painted and they carried swords. At times they would stop their forward movement and engage one another in mock battle. Swords flew, bodies spun, and they energetically threw themselves into the air.

All of this was so exciting that Koen and I ran ahead of the parade. We had to take it all in once more before it was over. We wound the corner and followed the widening curve of people down the street weaving in and out of throngs of Japanese people, all the while looking for a break in the bodies to get to the street's edge. No luck.

With the crowd impeding Koen's view he wound up on my shoulders - a motherly sacrifice to be sure. If you haven't seen him for a while, he's over 70 pounds. Getting him up there was fun. Japanese people around me stared as we went through the process. The bird's eye view only lasted about five minutes, after which a lady on the street's edge reached through, grabbing Koen and pulling him to the front. I was very thankful. So was Koen.

After enduring the final blasts of the firecrackers, we were ready for some dinner. 

Chinatown is one of those places where it's just as easy to eat dinner standing alongside a vendor's stand on the street as it is to sit down at a restaurant. There are plenty of both. We decided to head to a vendor known, by our friend Ashley, to have the best gyoza.

On the way, we stumbled onto the Kanteibyo temple (Buddhist). To say that the temple gate was ornate is a gross understatement. It was absolutely beautiful. Scores of people were climbing the steps, arming themselves with incense before penetrating the inner workings of the temple. I found myself drawn by curiosity. People left their incense sticks sticking upright in large bowls at various numbered stations. One lady stood the whole time we were there praying with her eyes closed at station one. On the inside was a large statue of Kuan Yu (Guan Yu). There were offerings on an altar before him. As a Christian, I've never seen such a blatant display of idolatry. It was fascinating and sad and I walked away feeling thankful to know the one true God.

In the end, we found our gyoza stand and partook of some pretty good eats. Ashley was right, it was excellent. They also made a variety of Chinese steamed buns called baozi. Koen and I tried one with pork, shrimp, veggies, and spices. Boy was that delicious! Chinese food is one of my favorites! We had fun just standing there eating our baozi. (In Japan you don't walk around eating food. It's more proper to stand in place next to the vendor stand and consume your food before walking around.)

On the way out of Chinatown, we stopped by an antique store. I found a Japanese doll in a case that was really beautiful, so I inquired about it. Long story short, I bought four Japanese dolls of various genders, sizes, and dress, for 5000 yen. That's less than $50. I was thrilled and some friend or family member may be the lucky recipient of one of my good fortunes. 

We all had a great time and look forward to going again next year. Although... we don't have to wait until next year to visit Chinatown. We're going again today to sightsee with friends. What adventure awaits us this time? Hmm...we'll see.

Snow Day

It snowed here on February 3rd - about 4-6 inches in some places I would guess. Everything was canceled for the day and the snow beckoned to us . . . you must make a snowman, it said. We couldn't resist. We spent the day in and out, building forts, building and then destroying our snowman, snowball fighting, and sliding down a huge hill behind our house. We even took on some of the neighborhood teenagers in a snowball battle. They were quite surprised that an old woman like me could hold her own! The day was great, but it only just now occurred to me that we never made snow ice cream. Bummer, although we do still have snow on our front lawn. Hmm . . . maybe not, there's always next time.

Take it to the Lord in Prayer

Koen is in the middle of his piano lesson. Normally, I retreat to my office to take care of e-mail and other business while his fingers move deftly over the keys. All the while I hear the reassuring voice of his sensei (teacher), Hiroko Saito. She is a lovely lady, full of energy and always ready to flash you a smile. Hiroko san speaks to Koen in English punctuated by the occasional Japanese "ne." I wish I could help you understand what that sounds like. It is warm and loving - something I've been told only women in Japan say. Koen adores her. She adores Koen, too, I think.

During their lessons, sounds of laughter, marking time, high-fives, and partnered tunes fill the air. It has become so commonplace that I often tune it out and carry on with my own business. However, today something catches my attention - the beautiful sound of "Take it to the Lord in Prayer." The notes waft up the stairs bringing a smile across my face. Suddenly, I am filled with the hope that Koen will learn the true meaning of taking it to the Lord in prayer. This is a perfect opportunity for me to do the same.

U.S.S. John S. McCain Family Day Cruise

Koen finally had a chance to see what Daddy does for a living. Well sort of . . . none of us will ever really know. We spent the entire day of January 24, 2008, on the USS John S. McCain - out at sea!

We left the house before the sun came up and headed out on the one-hour trip from Yokohama to Yokosuka. Our feet hit the deck of the ship just after 7:30 a.m. The McCain was moored to the pier and the USS Stethem was moored to us. It took a while to get underway, but once we were, boy were we in for a treat.

The CO (commanding officer) came over the 1MC (shipwide intercom) and told the families to muster (meet) on the mess decks (dining room). (Sorry about all the navy lingo for you non-navy types.) He met us there and informed us that we would be breaking into small groups of 6 to be led around to the various ship departments by ESWS-qualified personnel. We were also going to have the opportunity to receive an honorary ESWS qualification. ESWS (Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist) sailors are qualified to stand watches all over the ship. Theoretically, they should be able to do the basic job of any other sailor on the ship. We were given a sign-off sheet to carry to each department. After asking all of our questions (some of which stumped even the experts) we got our signatures.

Two hours into our tour, the boatswain came over the 1MC and blew the whistle for lunch. Boy is the whistle long and loud. We headed back to the mess decks and were greeted with an amazing lunch of steak and king crab! The crab was particularly delicious! We definitely had good timing on that meal. They only have a meal like that once a month. All the other days leave a little to be desired.

After lunch, we spent time learning about the launching system, radar, sonar, damage control (fire fighting and shoring), medical services, and command and control to name a few. The most time was spent on the bridge where Koen met the CO, sat in his chair, and even had an opportunity to steer the ship! He loved it. After our tour, we headed to the award ceremony where about 20 family members received an official honorary ESWS certificate. Jokes were made that some wives even got their ESWS before their husbands. It normally takes about 6 months to complete.

In the end, we headed back to the bridge while the ship sailed into port doing 30 knots! The spray flew all the way to the bridge, soaking the guys manning the guns. Koen was amazed. So was I. We had a great time learning. We got great exercise using the ladders. We met lots of the crew who seemed to have great morale. It was a day well spent - all 12 hours of it! (And that doesn't include drive time.) We look forward to going again in the future!

Moments of Epiphany

I'm sitting here tonight listening to Arie and Koen carrying on their nightly ritual. A variety of sounds can be heard emanating from Koen's room on any given night. On this particular night there is laughter and lots of it, although not accompanied by the usual sound effects. Anyone who knows Koen knows what I mean. It's refreshing to hear, with or without the sound effects.

My dear friend, Ashley, gave us a movie to watch tonight. We popped it in and watched over our bowls of tortellini and garlic bread. The movie was "A Midnight Clear." This movie probably won't be winning any awards. It doesn't have a super happy ending. In fact, the ending was a little ambiguous, but it reminded me about life...it's just a little ambiguous sometimes. What is our purpose? Each person has one.

Chaplain Chaney's service today touched on the same subject - purpose in the Christian sense, each person's purpose in the kingdom of God. We get so excited to share our ski trip stories, our accomplishments or our "you won't guess what happened today" stories. What about the amazing stories of what God has done in our lives? I was reminded that I'm not responsible for how people will respond, if at all, to my story. I'm just responsible for telling it. Let God work out the details.

So I'm ending the day full of questions, for myself, and for anyone else who wants to partake of my questions - not for sharing the answers, but for having the hope that comes with the fruitful search. I'm reminded of a treasure hunt and the Japanese word that Koen taught me - Ata!, which means, "I found it!" Life is also like that - alternating questions and moments of epiphany, after which we all hope to be able to utter those words - ata!

Skiing at Mt. Naeba in Niigata, Nagano Prefecture, Japan

It has been 20 years since the last time I went skiing. Arie has not skied for more than 10 years and has been talking about going for a long time. We finally decided to take a trip and visit Niigata, Japan, for a couple days to ski on Mt. Naeba. Unbeknownst to us at the time, Mt. Naeba is the most popular ski resort in Japan and widely considered to have some of the best conditions.

We rented our ski gear from Outdoor Recreation on base, reserved our hotel through ITT (Information, Tickets, and Tours) on base, and then headed off to buy our Shinkansen tickets (the bullet train). We were excited about our newest adventure and it didn't disappoint.

Our first train left Yokohama at 5 a.m., which got us up early. After almost an hour on that train, we got off in Tokyo and reboarded the Shinkansen headed to Yuzawa, Japan. When we arrived it was snowing with some flakes the size of quarters. Koen marveled at the site and was bouncing off the walls. We waited around the station for a bit for our bus to come and take us to the hotel. While we waited, Koen found a candy he wanted to try - a chewy, fruity, grapefruit-flavored do-dad that turned out to be quite good. It's a new favorite of his.

The bus took about 50 minutes, during which we played and goofed around with Koen. We had a ball and hadn't even put our skis on yet. Our bus pulled up in front of the hotel and we piled out ready for lunch and ski lessons. The hotel had many restaurants and we decided on curry, which has become our family standard favorite. A few tables away, people were soaking their feet in the hot spring foot bath. What a combo! Lunch and a foot hot spring with a view of the ski slopes. Pretty neat.

Once Koen was settled in with his ski instructor, Arie and I set off to get in as much as we could while we had the chance. The slopes were perfect powder - the best I've seen in my limited experience. I think I've only skied maybe 5 times, this one included. I was quite surprised that I never fell while I was skiing, though I did fall once while I was standing still watching Koen's lesson. Then Koen made it number two when he skied into me, knocking us both over.

The first day we skied until about 8:00 pm, nearly missing every dinner the hotel had to offer (restaurants close at 9 pm there). We did manage to hurry into a yakiniku place and have a great meal before collapsing in our twin beds.

The second day my legs from the knee down were so sore from the boots (ill-fitting, but the only option I had) and from using muscles I forgot I had. I tried my best, but I couldn't make my mind overcome the pain, so I didn't ski that day. Arie spent the late morning and afternoon skiing while Koen and I explored on our own. We went snowmobiling first together, and then Koen rode his own kid-sized machine. Later, he was pulled on a raft behind a snowmobile. He loved it! We wound our way through a maze of igloos and stopped for a bit inside an especially large one to enjoy some hot mochi with azuki bean sauce. It tastes a little like a hot, but chewy marshmallow topped with a sauce that tastes like sweetened, liquidy, mashed pinto beans. It doesn't sound appetizing, but it was lovely and we felt like we were taking part in a special moment. Mochi is a special Japanese dish that is eaten year-round, but especially for New Year's.

We broke for a quick lunch, and then Arie and Koen were off to do some more skiing together. Koen had a blast and Arie did a great job skiing backward and helping him practice. I never knew how well Arie could ski. After nine years of marriage (as of January 1) I'm still learning new things about my husband. It's refreshing.

So, now Koen has decided that skiing is his favorite sport after soccer. Arie has decided that after retirement we need to live within an hour of a ski resort. As for me...I'm thrilled no one broke any bones and I'm ready to commit to a life of skiing. I never thought I'd say that, but I really loved it. Isn't it interesting how you change as an adult? I don't recall enjoying skiing as much when I was a kid. It's nice to know that some things do change.

The trip back home was nice, quick, and uneventful except for the old Japanese man who kept falling asleep and leaning over on Koen on the train. The look on Koen's face was priceless and after a time it became quite funny.

Back home, I realized yet again, that there is no better way to appreciate your blessings until you no longer have them. In other words, I'll never complain about my mattress again! We had a blast and we're happy to be home.