On May 30, 2009, I went to the pool with my 9.5 year-old son. He was beyond excited to take his swimming test so that he could earn an orange bracelet entitling him to swim anywhere in the pool without a parental escort. He is definitely coming into his own.
He took his test, passing all three parts easily. This in and of itself is enough to write a paper on perseverance considering its years in the making. However, this is not our story.
Upon securing his bracelet on his arm, he headed for the pool. The moment he stepped to the water slide, a lifeguard blew the whistle calling for a pool break. He walked back to where I was still sitting and parked himself at the picnic table. I was pleased not to hear any complaining. He only sat contemplatively.
During the pool break, another lifeguard walked over to the pool, picked up a water basketball, and began to shoot hoops. The ball would miss and be blown back to the edge by the considerable wind blowing that day. Each time, the young man would pick it up and try again. This repeated perhaps 7 times, each time ending in a missed basket. Eventually, the young man walked away.
My son Koen turned to look and said, "Did he quit?" I said, "Yes." Koen followed with, "That's too bad." I asked him why he thought it was too bad, to which he replied, "His next shot might have been the big one - perseverance is really important, you know."
I sat with a stunned smile on my face. What a moment! My son had finally shown me his understanding of the word perseverance. I'm hopeful for what his future holds. I know he won't be a quitter, that he will push through the difficulties of life knowing with full confidence that he'll get to the other side and be better for it. Again, for him and for me, what a moment.
I was recently thinking about pride when a new acquaintance said to me, "I have a hard time accepting favors from people. It's not that I'm prideful." Why else would a person be unable to accept a gift, favor, or graciousness from another? Does it really all come down to that? Pride?
Let me recall the summer of 2007 . . .
I was 3.5 months pregnant and happy to be over the "hump." You know, the three-month "everything should be fine now" hump. I was feeling great when I headed in for a check-up appointment. In fact, I was feeling so great that I didn't really feel pregnant, but rather normal. I shared this with my doctor, who unbeknownst to me was immediately alarmed. She searched for a heartbeat to no avail, then led me to the ultrasound machine, which confirmed my worst fear. I had miscarried. My body didn't trigger any obvious symptoms when the baby had died roughly two weeks previously, so I had no idea. I sat there with my 7-year-old son in the room, trying to be as stoic as possible, but I was devastated. We had tried for 5 years to have more children. I would have to have a D&C the following Monday and so would have to spend the weekend knowing the baby inside me had died and was still there. It was a horribly emotional time, exacerbated by the fact that a good friend came home during that time with her newborn baby girl. My heart broke as I held her on Saturday, only days after my appointment and two days before my scheduled surgery.
Sunday morning I awoke numb. I tried half-heartedly to get myself ready for church so that I could lead the music. I knew my friend would be there with her baby and felt certain that I would not be able to sing a clear note through tears. Others would be there to celebrate the gift of life - the life of my friend's precious baby girl. There was no doubt in my mind that I would distract from what should be a joyous occasion. I opted not to go to church.
Minutes after the service should have begun, there was a knock at our door. Much to my surprise, it was Chaplain Shafer! Why was he not at the service, leading his flock? He stepped into our living room and asked how I was feeling. Again, stoicism kicked in and I tried to hide the extent of my pain. I shared with him my concern about distracting from the miracle of the newest edition to our church. I also think I didn't want anyone to see me in my emotional state. I was supposed to be someone strong in their faith, but where was it then? I thought I was lacking and didn't want to show myself so weak in faith. What he said to me next opened my eyes to a truth that hadn't even occurred to me. He said I understand your reason for not coming and respect your decision. He went on to ask me if I didn't think it was possible that the love our church had was enough to both rejoice in the birth of a child and mourn the death of another? I was taken aback at the thought. We prayed together and he walked out to join our congregation, already roughly twenty minutes into the service.
I sat for a moment and cried, convicted that I was not where God wanted me to be. I was the sheep going astray, whom the pastor left the 99 for and went to find. I shot upstairs, threw my shoes on, and ran to the chapel up the street. I walked in wearing shorts, a t-shirt, sneakers, no make-up, and swollen eyes - stripped bare of any facade. I realized that there was no reason to hide myself away or present myself as unfazed.
My friend, holding her new baby, met me ten steps into the sanctuary and wrapped her arms around me. We held each other, both crying, as we sang the last verse of a hymn into one another's ears. Afterward, the whole church sat back down. I made my way to the second pew and took a seat with my head hanging low. I was trying to dry my tears when I noticed that the entire congregation began standing and one by one moved to take seats all around me and my friend. Within a moment, the hands of so many who loved me began to touch my shoulders and arms and that of my friend too. The chaplain stopped in his tracks and came forward. As all my brothers and sisters in Christ surrounded us, the chaplain prayed. I'd never felt so loved.
I cried softly off and on through the rest of the service. During the service, the words of a Casting Crowns song came to my mind, "Praise You in This Storm."
I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus: And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to You and raised me up again my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away
Chorus
I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
Chorus
The service was coming to an end and I asked the chaplain if I could share my heart with the congregation. I could barely speak, but what I shared was this: My heart is broken and I've cried until I feel my heart will stop beating. Living with a baby inside me who is no longer living is nearly unbearable. I don't understand. I may never understand. BUT, I know I can't thank God for the good times and curse Him in the bad. Like the song says, ". . . my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You? And as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain 'I'm with you'. And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away." I will praise God even through this.
The service ended with the whole congregation gathered at the front of the church, wrapped in each other's arms, crying tears of both pain and joy. At that moment, I realized a very important lesson. Had I not gone to church, I would have robbed my brothers and sisters in Christ of an opportunity to be there for me, to love me, share my burden, and live their faith in Christ. How could I have taken that from them when I have been blessed in the past to be there for others? I didn't realize until then that my not being at church, though understandable and forgivable, was actually selfish. My stoicism was prideful and nearly stole from me the blessings God had in store for me as a result of the "storm."
I prayed and asked God to remove my desire for more children until such a time that it was His will, not mine if in fact that day ever came. Not only did He take away my yearning, but He placed a thankfulness in my heart that I had not given birth. My heart did a complete 180 - I was actually relieved! I began to embrace being a mom of one and feeling truly blessed. This was August of 2007.
More than a year later, in October 2008, I began to feel stirrings of motherhood again. I prayed again and asked God to turn my heart if it was His timing. We began trying again in November to get pregnant and learned in December that we were indeed pregnant. In January we found we were pregnant with twins. I felt it was God's way of blessing us because of our miscarriage. He loved, healed, and restored me.
There are many things about life that I will never know or understand, but one thing is sure - I will continue to raise my hands to the one who gives and takes away, for it's His will, His plan, and not mine that is perfect and that I should strive for.
We took a field trip with a group of homeschooled families to Motobu, Okinawa yesterday. Our first stop was a recreational area called the Motobu Wellness area, where the kids made salt from seawater and traditional Japanese cookies. They all seemed to have a good time making the cookies and an even better time eating them. They tasted a little like sugar cookies and had a different texture and a slightly chalky aftertaste.
The wellness area had a nice beach with volleyball nets set up. There were kayaks and jet skis as well. I'm not sure how it fits in, but they also had a pen full of goats, rabbits, roosters, and hens. Animals, they contribute to our sense of wellness! :)
After our short stop at the wellness area, we made our way up a large hill to a restaurant called Pizza in the Sky, more appropriately known as Cafe Kajinho. We had a group that included eight parents and fifteen kids ranging in age from 2 months to about 16. We converged on this place and it was somewhat of a zoo.
The menus were printed on large Japanese fans, with Japanese on one side and English on the other. It was a very simple menu. For the most part, they have one special pizza they make and people order that. You can get 7" or 14" pizzas. Yesterday, the toppings available were thick pepperoni, onions, green peppers, and corn. I ordered a loaded pizza and was pleasantly surprised that the corn fit right in with my other toppings. The pepperoni had a different sort of spice to it that wasn't hot, but had a wonderful flavor. The crust was somewhere between a thin and hand-tossed crust. Overall an excellent pizza!
The area around the restaurant had heavy foliage. The perimeter was skirted by a wooden fence that wouldn't keep out a goat. On the other side of this fence was a steep drop on three sides of the restaurant. Beyond that drop, the town of Motobu opened up on the horizon, flowing to the sea. It was a beautiful day and from our perch, we had nearly a 180-degree view of the ocean and surrounding hills.
Perhaps the most interesting thing I found on this trip was a certain table at the pizza restaurant. Sitting on the porch overlooking the ocean, I noticed one lone table that stood out. Every other table in the whole place was low to the floor for traditional Japanese seating, but this one was different. It was a large, odd-shaped, thick slab of wood perched atop the metal framework of an old, treadle-style Singer sewing machine. My mom would have loved it but wondered what happened the the sewing machine. :)
I must give a mention to the ice cream we encountered as well. We stopped at a market area and killed some time while waiting for others to arrive. While there, we grabbed some ice cream. Koen had his standard vanilla, but I got adventuresome and went out on a limb with some black sesame ice cream. I was slightly skeptical, but it's what the ladies recommended. I wasn't disappointed! It had an unusual flavor, though not overly sesame. I'd do it again, but next time I'll go for the sweet potato. :)
This was our first major outing since arriving in Okinawa. I am so looking forward to spending some more time up north, away from the American concentrated areas around the bases. We had to drive about 60 kilometers away from the base to find a Japanese person who didn't speak English. It was nice to experience a little more of Okinawan culture and yet I know I've not even scratched the surface. I'll keep you posted as the adventure goes on.
Koen and I prayed this morning after his Bible study. We asked God to use us to bless anyone we came into contact with today. Here is how God answered that prayer...
We have new neighbors. They are here from mainland Japan as well. They have a nine year-old boy and are also pregnant with twins, about three weeks behind us. We met them just tonight. I liked the parents. They were easy to talk with. And Koen? I honestly can't remember the last time Koen connected with another boy like he did with Micah. They were instantly pals. Koen says the boy is a "Class II Koen." Translation? "He is almost as creative and imaginative as me." He had SO much fun in the 1.5 hours we spent with that family. They are excited to get together again. We wound up walking them around the base and showed them where to find some groceries and other services.
Then...
A lady knocked on our door today. She was looking for the Stork's Nest office (the place we're staying.) It turns out she's trying to track down premie clothes for a friend who just had her baby at 26 weeks (not even a full pound). I invited her in so I could get her number. She made a comment that triggered my radar. Something just any other person wouldn't say. I could tell she was a military widow. Once I asked her, she told me she was married to a marine who died in Iraq four years ago and is now remarried to another marine. Of course, I shared my story, briefly, with her. She had never met anyone else who had been through any of that. She was surprised to find that I understood a lot of what she said. We only spoke about 30 minutes before she left. We traded numbers as well.
Backing up...
Last night, we went to AWANA. (The Bible based kids' club at the church.) While Koen was in his club, I went to an adult bible study. I turned off my cell phone so that I wouldn't disturb anyone. Well, after meeting the premie person above, I made a call to the chaplain's wife, whom we'd met on Sunday. I wanted to ask if she could pass the word that someone was in need of premie clothes, which are impossible to find here. She thought I was calling her back. Apparently, she had left me two messages earlier today saying she was going to the commissary and asking if I wanted to join her. Here's the amazing thing about that...
The lady who knocked on my door stepped in so I could get her number. I established in a moment that she was widowed at the same age I was. I asked her if she wanted something to drink and had time to stay and chat a little. She said, "Yes, but I have to leave by 12:30". I turned to look at the clock and it was 11:58 am. Guess what time the chaplain's wife had called me, according to my cell phone? Yep, 11:58. I was awed. The distraction of a ringing phone would likely have prevented the connection with this stranger.
The lady had shared with me that she struggled with God when her husband died. How could a loving God...? You can imagine the rest of that sentence. Well, at one point I said to her, "It was divine intervention that we met today." She knocked on the wrong door. Instead of walking away, she told me why she was looking for the Stork's Nest manager. Instead of simply directing her to the correct building, I offered to get involved and ask around for premie clothes. Why would I do that considering I know almost no one here? Instead of dropping the subject when she inadvertently let me know she was a widow, I asked the sensitive question. Instead of her avoiding the conversation, she embraced the opportunity to talk with me more. As she was leaving at 12:30, with a slightly sarcastic tone I said to her, "And people say there is no God." She agreed. To God be the glory, great things He hath done...and continues to do!
When we arrived at our cottage in Okinawa, we had four bedrooms to choose from. Koen and I made the rounds testing the mattresses to choose the most comfortable bed. It so happened that the most comfortable bed also happened to be in the room that was painted with stars, with glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Thus began our adventure last evening...
We lay in bed at 10 pm, staring at the ceiling, talking about things of no consequence. I asked Koen to choose and then describe to me the look and location of his favorite star or grouping of stars on the ceiling. Only a moment passed before he shared his find. He was great at explaining the design such that I found it in only a handful of seconds. We decided to name it the "Family". He then asked me to identify mine, which immediately took on the name the "Kite."
Once the favorites were identified, we began scanning the ceiling for patterns. We eventually named every constellation on our ceiling: Upside-Down, the Couple, the Glass, the Triangle, the Dog, Scooper, and the Cartwheel. We also identified the Northern and Southern stars. It was a great way to end our day, being creative, and being together.
I love those times with my son. They are markers for the past, present, and future of our relationship. We have spent years creating moments like these - spontaneous, fun-filled, creative, loving, snugly moments that continue even at 9.5 years old. Their enduring nature is symbolic of the strength of our relationship, our connection. I look forward with great anticipation to our future years of star-gazing, both indoors and out, pondering life, developing our creativity, and just plain being together. It doesn't get any better.
Being pregnant again is strange, though I'm well-adjusted at this point to the idea of having twins. I haven't begun to feel any movement yet, but that's not far away. I'm currently 14 weeks.
The first trimester I was exhausted! I could not get enough sleep. My energy level was very low, though I managed to pep up a little when I would go to the gym. I tried to be in the gym three times a week but mostly got in two trips. I ran until I was eight weeks, but stopped around that time and began walking instead when we learned we were having twins.
I spent the first trimester eating pretty much anything I wanted. I was nauseous all the time. As soon as the nausea would hit me, I'd have to eat to make it go away. During the first three months, I had an aversion to fruits, vegetables, peanut butter, and coffee. I tried to eat the fruits and veggies, but they made me ill. I went cold turkey off my decaf coffee and peanut butter. The only foods I really wanted were red meat, cheese, and orange juice. I also ate a combination of mixed beans, boiled egg, and sweet relish.
Consequently, I've gained 21 pounds. It was hard to step on that scale because I knew it would look ugly to me, if not slightly depressing. But, today is the beginning of a new day. My nausea has gone away and I've begun to get control of my eating schedule. I've tracked my food for the first time in months today. I feel great about being on track. I'm no longer having any cravings or aversions - I'm very thankful. Chicken, fruits, and veggies have all come back into my diet.
Before anyone gets on a soapbox about my pregnancy nutrition, please know that I'm not restricting my calories in order to lose weight. I'm simply tracking them so that I don't go over my prescribed calories for my pregnancy. I was obviously eating way too many calories in the first trimester. I'm not "dieting."
Also, I'm not down about the weight. It's an obvious must (to a degree) for pregnancy. I know I will take it off after my delivery and I'm fine with that. My spirits are high and I'm positive. It came off the first time - it'll come off again.
It's a great day. The sun is out and it's beautiful. I'll get out and spend some time in the sun and hit the gym later as well. I'm relieved to be back in a healthy place. Thanks for all the well-wishes!
Okay, I'm absolutely exhausted! That has to be where I begin as if there were any better place to begin. My brain at this moment just can't seem to think past the fog that is my pregnancy fatigue. Maybe once I take a nap I can recover enough to gather my thoughts.
I'm back and slightly recovered. I'm much better prepared to offer my thoughts...so...
Being pregnant again - it's an interesting experience in that it felt a little anticlimactic since I've done it once before. Of course, that was before I learned we were having twins. Now all of a sudden I feel like I've never done this before and I don't have a clue what I'm doing. It's new all over again. Talk about time-consuming. First, calling everyone to tell them of the pregnancy. Then calling all the same people again to tell them it's two. I hope I don't wind up making a third call. Whoa, would that one be scary.
When the doctor said my abdomen felt big for my gestational age, I thought, "Oh, that's not good." Minutes later he confirmed why and I was in shock. I can't say I was thrilled. Mostly I think I was shocked, then scared. It brought up so many more questions and I know enough to know that the changes are going to be more exacerbated because there are two. I wasn't exactly prepared for that, although I knew there was always a possibility. Apparently, there's more of a possibility than I thought. Women over 35 are twice as likely to have twins - I'm 36. Hmm. Who'd have guessed it? Oh, and taking Clomid didn't lower the odds any, since 10% of Clomid pregnancies result in twins.
I live in Yokohama, Japan - mainland. Stop the presses! Why?! Well, I can't deliver multiples on mainland Japan. Hmm. That begs the question, where then will these children be born? It turns out we will be moving temporarily to Okinawa. By we, I mean me and Koen, and whoever else wants to come and help me cook once I can't get out of bed. LOL We'll be there from April until the babies are born. That's supposed to be somewhere around August 10th, but I'll keep you posted.
All of this keeps life interesting. We knew the year would bring many changes. Here is our current tentative timeline: February - a trip to Hokkaido, Japan for the Snow Festival April - move to Okinawa July - probably give birth August - hopefully go back to mainland Japan Sometime through all of this, we will be looking for our new orders, probably organizing another international move, packing out our house, getting passports for the babies, and who knows what else. December/January - leave Japan for sights unseen...
Yes, life this year will definitely be an adventure. I'm looking forward with great anticipation to the year of a lifetime!
I was married in January 1999 and much to our surprise quickly became pregnant. Now I know what you're thinking, but it was truly a surprise because I have PCOS and hadn't had a cycle in the seven months before I became pregnant. We had our beautiful little boy nine years ago.
When our son was 2.5 years old, we began trying to have another baby. More than five years later, using Clomid, we finally became pregnant. At that time, I was beginning to lose hope that our family would ever grow. We were elated of course and it was strange to be pregnant again after so many years.
At 3.5 months into my pregnancy, I went for an appointment. I told my doctor, "It's weird how I don't even feel pregnant." I just thought I was having a great pregnancy experience. Little did I know at the time that my doctor was horrified to hear those words. She immediately began looking for a heartbeat that was nowhere to be found. My baby had died two weeks before, but my body never went through the symptoms of a miscarriage. I was heartbroken to see that my baby's arms and legs had begun to disappear.
Six days later I had to have surgery, a D&C, because my body was not doing its job. In that week, I was an emotional ball of mush. I was so close after so long! I didn't understand. During this time, I listened to the song, "Praise You in This Storm" and my eyes were opened. I realized I couldn't praise God when times were good and curse Him when they were bad. I cried out to Him and through tears that still gripped me, I thanked Him, even though I couldn't understand why. I purposed at that moment to accept God's plan for my life even if it didn't include more children. I prayed that my heart would be changed, my desire taken away - and God answered. My desire completely went away. I even began to think of all the blessings of NOT having more children! I also prayed that God would bring back my desire in His timing.
Fourteen months later, I'm very happy with my life. I have lost 60 pounds and found another calling for my life that includes my own fitness as well as reaching out to others in encouragement. I truly believe that if I can do it, anyone can do it!
In October, my heart began to change and I began thinking of children again. I wondered about God's timing. I was guarded, but one month later decided to try again using Clomid. Now here I am, PREGNANT! I'm almost in disbelief, mostly that my heart turned, even though I know with God all things are possible.
All of my ups and downs, tears, joys, triumphs, and failures - I realize that these are things that have been necessary to make me the person I am. I hope they have made the person who will be best suited to be a Mama to this baby.
If I hadn't lost these 60 pounds, I can't imagine what kind of mom I would be. I'm so thankful to have taken this journey. It truly has been a journey to a new life, both figuratively and literally. I have to use this opportunity to praise God! With Him all things are possible!
(If you are reading this and going through a difficult time, I encourage you to listen to the song, "Praise You in This Storm.")
Today was a beautiful and inspiring day, none of which would have been possible had I not wrestled with my food and exercise demon and come out victorious - had I not come out believing in myself. This moment is brought to you by Spark People and one life changed...no, make that two.
The Marine Corps sponsored a Toys for Tots 5K today on Yokosuka Naval Base. My whole family decided to run it together. The entry fee was a new unwrapped toy for every participant. So, first, we went shopping before heading to the starting line. There were lessons to be learned, but not among the toys.
The horn blew and we started at a good clip, with my son jogging easily and setting a good pace. It wasn't long before he was ready to slow a little, then not much after that when he was ready to quit altogether. He had brought a lime green bandanna to wear around his neck but had taken it off. As he was about to give up, I took the bandanna from him and grasped one end tightly. Handing him the other end, I said, "Come on, I won't let go...we can do it together every step of the way." I wanted so desperately for him to overcome all that held him back and simply persevere.
I spoke to him of children who would benefit from this thing we were doing and of those who walk more than 5 kilometers just to get a drink of dirty water. We spoke of Mt. Fuji and other challenges that life ahead still holds. I pulled and pushed him. I cheered him. I empathized with him. I shared bits and pieces of life wisdom with him. This is not the first time I've told him I believe in him . . ."You CAN do it!" Even still, today was different. Today was that opportunity for him to rise above something bigger than himself and not just to call himself a conqueror, but to feel it in his spirit.
During the last leg, as we could see the finish line, I was giving him a pep talk. I wish I could recall the exact thing I said to him at that moment, but I'll never forget his response..."Yeah, just like YOU believe in me." At that moment, my heart swelled with love and hope - hope that he will embrace those words and grow to be confident, not fearing life's challenges. He confirmed that he truly listens to me and believes me when I've said, "I believe in you."
As we neared the finish line, he told me he was ready to sprint. He let go of the green bandanna we had carried together for the last 3 miles and we sprinted together to the finish line. During the whole race, he never once stopped moving forward. He had his ups and downs, but he never quit and as we crossed that finish line side-by-side, he became a little more of the adult I will someday know him to be.
After grabbing some water and finding my husband, we stood together to listen to the race results. My soft-hearted eight-year-old son said to me, "That was the hardest thing I've ever done - I'm glad I did it." In that moment, I learned the most beautiful truth . . . today he came to believe in himself.
One day my soul woke up - and it was fat! It didn’t happen overnight. I wasn’t always fat. I had spent the last eleven years eating emotionally. It started with my husband’s death. We had been newlyweds. Emotional eating stayed with me long after my wounds began to heal and even after I remarried. It had become a habit. I had a clue that I was hurting myself, but I felt powerless to overcome it. Food held control over my life, but I was ready to live differently. There was a glimmer of hope that my life could be different. Then Spark People showed up with a soft knock and an invitation, “Can Audri come out and play?” This began a journey of self-discovery I never could have imagined. See, I didn’t realize my personality and my future were being slowly buried!
Spark People helped me realize for the first time that to be successful I had to make some serious changes. It wasn’t enough to make a New Year’s resolution and hope for the best. I had to truly commit myself to being different, but first I had to believe it was possible. There were some things I knew to be true, so that is where I began. I knew I had not always been fat. I knew others had overcome even greater weight obstacles than mine. Mostly, I knew that through my faith, I could lean on a very special promise – “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me,” Philippians 4:13, if this is something God is bringing me to. After acknowledging these things, I felt prepared to commit myself to whatever it took to conquer myself. Within a week, I came to understand there were four strategies I would need to use to set myself up for success.
First, I had to honestly assess my battle with food. My “if they don’t see me eat it, it doesn’t count” attitude had to go! Using the nutrition tracker, I took a close look at my food choices, and my eyes were opened! Over time, I chose to eliminate caffeine, table salt, alcohol, sodas, and excessively high-fat, high-calorie foods from my nutrition plan. Some were harder to let go than others, but one by one they fell by the wayside in exchange for healthier options.
Second, I had to stop hiding my struggle. Those who loved me had known all along anyway – my size 18 wasn’t a good disguise. I was only fooling myself. I realized I had fallen into a habit of secretly losing a little weight with the hope that others would notice. When the loss wasn’t noticed, I would become discouraged and eventually quit. I decided to try a different approach and bring my family and friends into the program with me. This way, I was encouraged and held accountable. Eventually, I joined a team and even started one of my own.
Third, I had to have goals to work toward. I set concrete short, medium, and long-range goals based on my interests. Some I knew were attainable, like doing cardio four days each week. Some were a stretch for me, but also attainable with hard work, like climbing Mt. Fuji. I needed to have something on the horizon to aim at, a target. It was important to have it close enough that I could focus on it, unlike looking at my overall weight loss goal. If I had begun by focusing on losing the whole 70 pounds, I would have become overwhelmed and possibly quit.
Fourth, I set a concrete plan in motion to help me succeed. I wrote out my plan on my Spark Page to keep myself accountable. This included making my nutrition and fitness trackers public, so others could see what I was tracking. I devoted myself to following my plan, even on the days when I wanted to quit. I determined there were only two choices: to quit or keep going – and quitting wasn’t an option.
Along the way, a funny thing happened. I found myself! Each honest step I took loosened the control food had on me. Once I began to see the fruits of my labor I realized that I could have done it all along. I had been making excuses and giving away my freedom to choose a better life. Through overcoming the old me, I realized that my personality had been stifled. I wasn’t energetic enough to be on the outside the person I was on the inside. Now, I have a zeal that was lost for years. I am alive! I’ve even tackled new physical challenges and along the way come to think of myself as an athlete. That’s amazing to me!
Perhaps the greatest consequence of my weight loss (59 lbs. to date) is that I have the ability to speak into the lives of others in a meaningful way. I never thought I would see the day when others would call me an inspiration. Living as a fat person enabled me to relate to the “fat struggle.” I guess those eleven fat years weren’t completely wasted after all.
We took a field trip with a group of homeschooled families to Motobu, Okinawa yesterday. Our first stop was a recreational area called the Motobu Wellness area, where the kids made salt from seawater and traditional Japanese cookies. They all seemed to have a good time making the cookies and an even better time eating them. They tasted a little like sugar cookies and had a different texture and a slightly chalky aftertaste.
Koen and I prayed this morning after his Bible study. We asked God to use us to bless anyone we came into contact with today. Here is how God answered that prayer...
