The Day I Thought Would Never Come

Let me share a brief story...

I was married in January 1999 and much to our surprise quickly became pregnant. Now I know what you're thinking, but it was truly a surprise because I have PCOS and hadn't had a cycle in the seven months before I became pregnant. We had our beautiful little boy nine years ago.

When our son was 2.5 years old, we began trying to have another baby. More than five years later, using Clomid, we finally became pregnant. At that time, I was beginning to lose hope that our family would ever grow. We were elated of course and it was strange to be pregnant again after so many years.

At 3.5 months into my pregnancy, I went for an appointment. I told my doctor, "It's weird how I don't even feel pregnant." I just thought I was having a great pregnancy experience. Little did I know at the time that my doctor was horrified to hear those words. She immediately began looking for a heartbeat that was nowhere to be found. My baby had died two weeks before, but my body never went through the symptoms of a miscarriage. I was heartbroken to see that my baby's arms and legs had begun to disappear.

Six days later I had to have surgery, a D&C, because my body was not doing its job. In that week, I was an emotional ball of mush. I was so close after so long! I didn't understand. During this time, I listened to the song, "Praise You in This Storm" and my eyes were opened. I realized I couldn't praise God when times were good and curse Him when they were bad. I cried out to Him and through tears that still gripped me, I thanked Him, even though I couldn't understand why. I purposed at that moment to accept God's plan for my life even if it didn't include more children. I prayed that my heart would be changed, my desire taken away - and God answered. My desire completely went away. I even began to think of all the blessings of NOT having more children! I also prayed that God would bring back my desire in His timing.

Fourteen months later, I'm very happy with my life. I have lost 60 pounds and found another calling for my life that includes my own fitness as well as reaching out to others in encouragement. I truly believe that if I can do it, anyone can do it!

In October, my heart began to change and I began thinking of children again. I wondered about God's timing. I was guarded, but one month later decided to try again using Clomid. Now here I am, PREGNANT! I'm almost in disbelief, mostly that my heart turned, even though I know with God all things are possible.

All of my ups and downs, tears, joys, triumphs, and failures - I realize that these are things that have been necessary to make me the person I am. I hope they have made the person who will be best suited to be a Mama to this baby.

If I hadn't lost these 60 pounds, I can't imagine what kind of mom I would be. I'm so thankful to have taken this journey. It truly has been a journey to a new life, both figuratively and literally. I have to use this opportunity to praise God! With Him all things are possible!

(If you are reading this and going through a difficult time, I encourage you to listen to the song, "Praise You in This Storm.")